Pain doesn't keep the love away.

So I didn't have the surgery yesterday. The dentist ended up getting rid of the infection for the most part and I have to go in tomorrow to get it done... I'd be nervous if the percs weren't keeping me in a daze right now.

My husband has been great during all this. Going to the store to pick me up smoothies and now, he's gone to get me eggs... I've been craving them like crazy lately... and no, I'm not pregnant. I could prove it if you wanted me to, haha. Actually, it's been a couple long days of sleep and not much else. He did all the laundry and the dishes that I had planned to do yesterday. I really am a lucky wife to have my husband not complain about anything, including taking care of the kids when I am down on my luck. He just keeps giving me love and patience. I swear, I am the luckiest girl ever when it comes to him.

Yesterday, after the dentist, I was in a lot of pain and couldn't keep my bitchiness under control. And he didn't say one word about it. I kept apologizing for my snapping and all he said was "it's ok, I understand." I really have no idea what I did to get so lucky. He just keeps me in this relaxed mood. Especially since the pain comes back in full force sometimes, and I can't help but snap. The kids seem to understand that I am in alot of pain and are even trying to avoid making me mad. I wish they behaved this way all the time. Between my amazing family helping out my relaxation and my pills, I suppose it's not all that bad. I'm just glad that for all this I'll have time to relax. I'm not going to do much and I doubt I'll be going to the FRG meeting Wednesday night. I have a few appointments to cancel over the next few days because while I'm on Percs I really shouldn't drive. I couldn't even focus long enough to drive, which means that I can't get to my appointments while my husband is at work. They are getting ready to go to the field (he's the rear command and won't be going but will be busy organizing the command from post) and he won't have time to do all the errands for me. I wouldn't like him to anyways, it's not fair to him to have me like this in the first place, but somehow, he just doesn't complain. He's my angel. Taking care of me, helping me more than anyone else ever has.... I love him more than anything in the world... I love my family and my life. It's even better when I'm not in pain at all.

Anyways, I'm exhausted, and plan to go back to sleep for a while... I just wanted to update...

Love,
For now and forever,
Leah

Black Friday

So I am sitting outside at 2am, posting my second blog of the night. I can't sleep but I think I might soon. The pain medicine has finally kicked in.

Today, despite it's terrible ending and the horrible pain I was in part of the time, was a really good day. We left our hotel almost first thing and went to Longview where we hit up Target, Kohls and Hobby Lobby. At Target, I managed to get all of our wrapping paper, some bows, tape, Steve's stocking, a shirt that says "Naughty" on the front and "Nice" on the back and some ribbons for Lily's hair. At Kohls, we hit a major jackpot. In addition to getting some new shirts and a beautiful gray coat that I've been wanting for a long time, we managed to get a bunch of Christmas shopping done for the kids. Lily and Jax will be spoiled. I picked up a "First Computer" thing that hooks up to the TV by Leapster and two games for them, two disney dolls for Lily, a really cool Thomas Train thing for Jax, a puzzle for Lily, a chalkboard with alphabet and number magnets for Jax, some ornaments for them and a few other things that have slipped my mind. I also bought some more picture frames and those cute box shelves that hang on the wall. Oh, I also got Lily her first necklace that has an L on it and it's either her Christmas gift or her fifth birthday gift. It's a 100 dollar necklace I got for 20. Yes, I'm impressed too. :P At Hobby Lobby, we also indulged a bit. In addition to getting the yarn I needed for a couple blankets I'm knitting, we picked up a few cute signs (an Uncle Sam Army one and one that says "Do the kindest things in the kindest way.") a couple small chests with flags on them for Steve's ribbons and coins, a mail sorter that hangs on the wall, an "L" for Lily's room, and a few other things. All in all, it was a pretty great shopping day. 

We have a few items left on our list for the kids. A Wii, some clothes for both, and I'm debating on getting them some other toys. Truthfully they have a lot and are spoiled but I'm Mommy and I spoil. 

On my list is one big item, and it's pretty much all I want. A nice digital camera that I can take tons of pictures with. I don't want to do photography for extra money but it would be cool to submit some photos to art shows. I've been told I have an amazing eye. 

On Steve's list, I have to find him a new wallet and a tool box for all his smaller tools. He's constantly misplacing one or the other because he has so many. We ended up putting all his saws and sanders and other things in a tough box just to organize better, but he needs a small toolbox for his hammers, nails, screwdrivers, etc. Then our christmas will be magical! 

He really is the most amazing husband ever. I am constantly wishing I could do more for him, but he's already insisted that I don't. Today, we bonded more over lunch and shopping and even though I snapped at him a few times, he said he understood it. I was in pain (still am) and it was too hard to control my emotions, like I normally do. I just wish I didn't have so much I have to get done, but I do and I doubt I'll be going to do anything for a few days. It's so frustrating foreseeing a future where you know you can't really be of help and you are reliant on someone else, even someone as wonderful as Steve, to do it for you.

I do have to say this though, I hope I never lose him. We can't imagine a divorce (although, this early on, if we could, it'd be terrible!!!) and my fears with the Army will always be there, no matter how much or little the chances of something tragic happening are. He's my world, my hero, my everything. He holds my heart and my future in his loving hands and I can't imagine life without him in it. 

I love you, my sweet husband. I love our little family that will grow with love. I love our future, as open and uncertain as it is, because as long as you are in it, we are going to be fine. 

Love, 

For now and forever,

Leah

mixed review

Well, this past week was... eventful, to say the least. I am welcoming a new life while still dealing with my old one.

Thanksgiving was nice. I really like Dawn best of all Steve's sisters, and being there are five of them, I definitely have a variety to choose from. She is a great cook. Her boyfriend Kenny and his father and uncle are all very nice too. I would go into more detail but I'm currently on Percosets and my mind can't think too well at the moment.

We got back from Texas today around 5:30 and all day I'd been in severe pain. As it turns out, after going to the ER, my back tooth and wisdom tooth are clashing together to cause one to break and spread an infection. It's incredibly painful and I am scheduled to see a dentist in the morning to get them removed. I'm also on Penicillin to control the infection (basically to keep it from spreading) and Percoset to dull the pain. And I say dull because after taking two, (one at 11, the next at 12) I am still in pain and it's 1:38am. I have been struggling all day with the pain and I finally gave up and called BJACH (our Army Hospital). They told me to come in. When I went in, after waiting over an hour and a half, I finally walked out with my referral and pain medicine. My appointment is first thing in the morning and I'm nervous but I'm sure it will be fine. Steve says he's been there and they've always done an amazing job. Thank God. I'm so glad that I finally have my health insurance back, I have been avoiding going to a doctor and dealing with my pain for so long that giving into it and letting myself appear vulnerable made me feel overwhelming relief.

I'm not sure how active I will be over the next few days. I already let the girls on RBL know because I feel a strong responsibility to be there for them when they  need me and I've already neglected them yesterday and most of today.

I am fighting with Darrell again. Well, not so much fighting as telling him what I need him to do to have him refuse to do it. So there only leaves one thing I can do, which is go to a lawyer and find out how they can help me. Lucky, we're Army and the Army likes to give free Legal Assistance. :) Yay for that. Less stress.

It seems the Army has done alot more for me in two weeks than my entire four years living as a civilian. I hated that time in my life. It's filled with half-regrets and the only good outcomes were my children being with me, being raised by myself and my husband and now life is moving forward. My prayers are being answered. It's such a welcome relief and the fact that my husband has played my hero today and will do so again tomorrow just makes me feel so much better. I have a wonderful man who is everything I ever dreamed of. How lucky can one girl be?

Apparently very.

Love,
For Now & Forever,
Leah

Thanks is more than giving.

Today I went to the doctors and spent over two and a half hours there for what seemed to be a half hour appointment when I booked it. I was there about my back. In Dec of 08, I had hyper-extended The right half of my back, including dislocation of my shoulder. Today was the first time I was taken for xrays. I had to get a shot of steroids in my butt prior to this and then go so I was in pain from the shot hitting a nerve. I ended up having around 15 xrays taken from my lower back to my neck. That will tell them where all damage was and still might be. I did get a couple pain relievers until my next visit which is great. The only problem is they do more to make me tired than to relieve pain. I am just glad something will be done. Already the army has stepped up when the civilian doctors did nothing at all.

Tomorrow is thanksgiving and we are going to Texas to visit Steve's sister. We are leaving later today and driving over where we booked a hotel and then will spend the holiday with her. We are not overly excited but I am told it will be a good time. I sincerely hope so because to be honest I am not looking forward to it.

The things I am thankful for are huge. I am thankful my husband came home from Afghanistan, that we were both engaged and married this year, that my children were given an amazing father and so many more things that my tired mind thinks of but can't give justice to, such as my health, his health, our children's health, our family's happiness, our amazing friends and family, both chosen and blessed with. We are very lucky. I am lucky.

Love always,
For now & forever,
Leah

Sent from my HTC Inspire™ 4G on AT&T

Life is good

I have a really bad cold or something. Over the past week, my house has been filled with coughing and sneezing. This weekend, we got alot less done than we had planned to. I do know that my husband and I are incredibly happy together, even though both of us are stressed.

On Friday, Steve got his tough boxes back. In one were his Military gear, and a few presents for me in addition to a bunch of letters from family members. In the second were his DVD cases and sadly, only a few of my letters to him. It seems most of them went missing. Now either the customs agent stole them or someone else did. It really breaks my heart because I wrote almost 200 letters and have less than 40 left. My presents were two beautiful Marble boxes (small and well designed with an Afghanistan map) One had an American Flag along with an Afghani flag. The other had a Canadian Flag with an Afghani Flag. He told me it was for his little dualee. :) He also brought me home a Coach bag that is super beautiful. I am using it now.

Saturday, I spent alot of time organizing the livingroom. I packed up two boxes of my books, sad thing is, that I have alot more books to pack when it comes time. I also set my stereo back up and played some of Michael Buble's new Christmas album. I had Steve put the tough boxes in the laundry room and he filled one up with his military gear, another with his tools. Between getting the laundry room organized and getting the tough boxes out of my livingroom, alot got done.

Yesterday, was a lazy day. Steve let me sleep in til I wanted to get up. He took the kids to church in the morning. Then when he got home, we didn't really do much. Football and relaxation. It was a good Sunday even though we missed out on the projects we planned to do. I did get the opportunity to see my little girl curled up sleeping next to my husband on the couch and I couldn't help but feel like my world is complete.

Today, it's six-thirty in the morning, and I am looking at my afternoon with apprehension. The kids have a doctors appointment from 1330 til about 1500. Then a playgroup and alot to get done around here. I have to pack for Texas, just a few day trip over Thanksgiving, and hopefully, get more done like I plan.

The trouble is being sick. Lily says her chest hurts, which makes me glad we have a doctor appointment for her. Jax and I are having trouble with our ears and coughing. I think our ears are the biggest irritation to us both. I'm glad they have appointments today and I have one tomorrow. I definitely need something just as much as they do. Steve is the only one who seems to have the antibodies available to fight his sickness, even though he's still slightly sick.

Anyways, life is good, even with the few minimal complaints I have.
I love my husband, my kids, my kitten and my life.

Love,
For now and Forever,
Leah

Week 1 of Marriage done

I don't really have time for a long blog, but I do have time to write a little about how this past week has gone.

Monday ~ I got my ID card back, my Tricare benefits back and filed alot of the basic paperwork.

Tuesday ~ Finished filing paperwork for the army. Made doctor appointments for the kids and I. Went to CYS (Child and Youth Services) to pick up the paperwork to get the kids enrolled in Daycare/School.Went to the commissary and then the playground with the kids.

Wednesday ~ I went to the ACS office (Army Community Service) to find out information about the kids.   Went to the Change of Command Ceremony for the 46th Engineer Battalion with the kids and sat with the Majors and above. It was a good ceremony, very well done and made me proud to be an Army wife. After that the meet and greet with the new Battalion Commander and his family. I enjoyed talking to his wife and his father. Lily made a new friend with his daughter. After that, we had a playgroup with the kids.

Thursday ~ I spent the day resting and hanging around the house. Then Went to the midnight premiere of Breaking Dawn with Becca, Kelly, and Catie. It was a pretty decent movie, considering I was never much of a fan.

Friday ~ Another day of doing stuff around the house before an FRG meeting which didn't go as planned...

Today is just a normal Saturday. Steve and I aren't feeling well and neither are the kids but hey, at least we're sick this weekend and not last weekend!

Anyways, I have to go. I love my Husband, my kids, my kitten, my life.

Love,
For now and Forever,

Leah

more wedding pictures

Our first kiss

Happily Married

My Husband... I love saying that. My husband. He is amazing. Over the past few days, we've been busy. Cleaning up after the wedding, getting our lives back to normal, getting me and the kids enrolled in DEERS and Tricare paperwork, getting my ID back... Overall, it's been pretty good.

The wedding was amazing itself. The ceremony was beautiful and consisted of my four bridesmaids (Becca, Ashley, Angie and Catie) and his four groomsmen (David, Austin, Pody and Hobo) as well as our guests and our awesome Chaplain. His mother and his eldest sister came out for the event. Pody graciously walked down the aisle with me and gave me away in "honor of" my father and they saluted my father's flag. Truly tear-worthy. After that, we lit our unity candle, made declarations and said our vows and then exchanged our rings, before the Chaplain said those amazing words "You may now kiss the bride" and then introduced us for the first time as "Mr and Mrs." It was a wonderful moment in our lives.

The reception was fun and the pictures were amazing. After the reception we went out to the Paradise and had another first dance as a married couple and got wickedly drunk. It was alot of fun. Our friend Palmer watched the kids over night and let us have our first night alone as a married couple. It was great. The next morning, we went out to breakfast, picked the kids out and spent a couple hours over at Becca and Pody's. Overall, pretty great.

Sunday was cleaning and football day. We watched more football than we cleaned but Hobo came by after dinner and we talked for a while. I love having such a good friend here.

Today we went and dropped off our Marriage License, followed by updating our Car insurance and then the Social Security office where I officially changed my last name. Then off to In and Out processing for my new ID card and enrollment in DEERS aka Tricare. When that was done, the lady smiled and said "welcome back" after having seen that I was a brat before. I laughed. Then the Finance office where we picked up the paperwork Steve's commanding officer has to sign in order to get our policy changed and such. Then we went by the PX where I bought a book with my new ID Card just to use my privileges again. Yes I'm corny like that.

Tonight, we watched TV and chilled together before having "cuddles" for the ?? time since we got married. Overall, life is amazing and I couldn't be happier or more blessed. I love my Husband and am so lucky he chose to marry me.

Oh Saturday was the first time he said "our son" and "our daughter" I just about cried.

For now and Forever,
Mrs. R.

My wedding

 Captain & Mrs. R********* 

So I am getting married today.

 In less than 4 hours. I am nervous and excited!!! I dont have time for a long blog but I promise all of my life to my soldier!!!! XOXO

Sent from my HTC Inspire™ 4G on AT&T

Daddy, I miss you

Daddy,

I miss you. So much. And I wonder what you would say to me. I'm getting married on Friday, which is just three days from now, really... and without you, I only have your flag to hold and a picture of you to look at... it's not the same... I can't hear your voice in my head anymore, I can't hear what you would say to me. It breaks my heart that I won't get one of your speeches, especially the one day I want it the most... I love you and I need you, but you're not here anymore. All I have is that flag and picture... all I have is memories... Why didn't you tell me the things I wonder about? Why didn't you answer the million questions I have for you when you could? I need those answers and there is no one to ask. You are gone and I can't help but wonder. I cried tonight, thinking about the wedding day, without you to give me away, without you to tell me whatever you are supposed to tell me... Without a picture of us together, all I have is your flag... I will take it with me that day, I will have you next to my heart with your coin and the only way you will walk me down the aisle is because of my tattoo in honor of you. It hurts that I can't have you there... but I know you will be there in spirit. I know you will be in my heart and watching over me. I love you, Daddy. And I miss you. With all my heart....

Always,
your daughter,
Leah

Autism Genetic Link

FRIDAY, Nov. 4 (HealthDay News) -- A gene variation associated with an increased risk of autism in boys has been identified by scientists.

Boys are three to four times more likely than girls to be affected by autism.

In this study, U.S. researchers analyzed genomic data from more than 3,000 children with autism and their family members, as well as children without autism.

The results showed a link between a variation in the gene for transducin beta-like 1X-linked (TBL1X) and an increased risk of autism spectrum disorders (ASD) in boys. TBL1X is part of the Wnt-signaling pathway involved in the system that controls embryonic neurological development and the maintenance of brain function in adults.

The study is published in the Nov. 3 online edition of the journal Molecular Autism.

"The [variation] in TBL1X is associated with an increase in risk for ASD of about 15 percent. This could reflect either an unidentified rare mutation (or mutations), which has large impact, or a more common change with a more subtle effect, on the development of ASD," study leader Eden Martin, of the Hussman Institute for Human Genomics at the University of Miami Miller School of Medicine, said in a journal news release.

"Further study of TBL1X will help us to pinpoint the DNA changes involved and help us to understand exactly how these changes and the Wnt-signaling pathway is involved in ASD," Martin added.

Autism affects about one in 110 children and can cause problems in language, communication and understanding other people's emotional cues.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I thought this was interesting considering Steve's nephew is autistic as well as my ex's nephew. I am lucky that both my children are fine. I don't know how raising an autistic child would be like. I know that both nephews annoy me, more my ex's because his mother refused to punish him, although I know there is a time and place for punishment, even with autistic children. I used to go insane because this kid would be loud and rude and straight up undisciplined. I don't really know my soon-to-be nephew that well, but he is at least disciplined, if slightly on the annoying edge. He asks Steve three questions whenever they see each other, the same three. "How tall are you?" "What's your shoe size?" and "What kind of truck do you drive?" although the first two answers have never changed and the last has only changed once. I find it amusing and luckily I can understand so when he questioned me I was able to step back and realize he wasn't trying to be annoying. And at the very least, he was respectful to me.

Finding a genetic link to autism means that there may be  a way to prevent it. There is probably no cure for it once it starts but prevention, especially for families that have multiple generations of autistic children, would be a great step. I hope that they learn more soon, so they can help with families that are afraid to have children for fear their child will have the same disorder. 

My Veteran's Day Tribute

four days left

I get married on Friday. Just four short days away. I can hardly believe how quickly this month has flown by and yet, why should I be surprised? A year seemed to drag but when what I wanted was close by and I had to prepare, it flew.

I asked Steve if he was scared and he said no. He said there was nothing to be afraid of. I think I rely on his confidence and faith in us almost as much as I rely on my own thoughts. He is my everything and I think sometimes I get so scared he'll back away.

He's my best friend and the one man I want the world with. We are dorks together, we are lovers, we are great parents and great partners. When it comes to who I trust above all else, it's him. He makes me believe that I'll never be alone, I'll never have to worry. That through the years, all of our dreams will come true and I believe him.

It's just my fears come from "ghosts" in my past. Guys who didn't treat me well, guys who lied, cheated, broke my heart, hurt me, pushed me away and made me feel insignificant. The fact that I now have someone totally the opposite scares me more than having an idiot like that. Because Steve matters more, because he could hurt me more than anyone. The fact that he doesn't want to, the fact that he loves me, the fact that we are getting married... it all makes me feel.. safe.

So I sit here, next to my love as he sleeps and I think... four days... four days until I am his wife. <3

And I can't wait.

Dedicated to my sisters and my husband

In my blood is the blood of heroes, the ones who served before.

In my heart is the strength of warriors, the ones who fought before.

On this earth is the blood of my blood, it was spilled for you and for me.

In a grave lays a man I loved, he sacrificed for all.

In my hand I hold the hand, of another faithful hero,

one who would go and fight, one who would gladly sacrifice, 

if it meant our children would still be free.

By my side are my sisters, the ones who wait with me.

In my ears, rings our anthem and the pledge that we all know.

In the mirror I see, the generations that came before, 

the men who bravely served and the women who stood beside them.

In my children I see the hope of a future without war,

I pray for them to stand tall and stand strong, 

for their life isn't easy, it's the one I lived before.

Now as we gather together, a family united despite the wars,

I pray that we will remain ever committed and ever united,

even as he puts on his uniform and heads for our door.

My father watches from Heaven's Gates, where all Heroes wait,

and I know my prayers must reach him first, before God can answer,

I pray my father fights with him, if only in spirit, if only in mind,

I pray that God gives me the strength to make it through this life,

A life that was mine, first by accident of fate, then choice and faith.

In my blood is the blood of heroes, so I shall be firm.

In my heart is the strength of warriors, so I shall never fall.

On this earth is the blood of my blood, and it is the last that will be spilled.

In a Grave lays a man I loved, but now he walks with God.

In my hand I hold the hand, of the one I hold dear.

By my side are my sisters, we fight the same fight too.

In my ears, our prayers echo each others, to keep our Country free.

In the mirror I see my past written on my face, the strength I have in me.

In my children, I see a future generation of those who stand tall and strong.

My sisters are different from yours, our bond a different one

Some share my story, others are just beginning theirs,

yet we are all the same, our husbands fight this war.

we are the ones who wait, the brats now grown into wives,

the girls from scattered places, civilians now turned..

We are the hidden strength, we are the secret weapon,

that our enemies do not see, yet we fight a fight more powerful

it's our prayers and our tears that keep this fight alive.

the anthem

I never wore the uniform,
no medals on my chest.
The band it doesnt play for me,
I am not among the Best.
I do not march in cadence,
I do not rate salute,
I stand among the silent ranks,
our devotion absolute.


If you've not worn my shoes, 
You do not know my story
I live a life of sacrifice
my reward a private glory.
I've wept many silent nights away
and I've kept the home fires burning
I've worried and I've waited
as world events were churning.


I've moved more times than you could fathom,
left more people than you've known
I've planted gardens round the world--
very few that I've seen grown.
I've grieved with new-made widows,
and had my share of scares--
when a ship or plane or man was down
and all I had were prayers.


I'm not asking for your sympathy,
although appreciation would be nice,
I did it quite on accident first, 
then purpose came to me,
I chose to sacrifice. 
I'll tell you a secret now
One you'd never guess,
about the one glory that is mine,
it's just enough, no more, no less.


When you and I stand together
as our nation's anthem plays,
In my heart I reminisce
Of how I've spent my days
I know the pain and joys,
I know that freedom isn't free
I know I've paid the price,
when my father sacrificed.
I pray each and every day,
that it's the only price that I must pay.


So as that music plays
remember that anthem plays for me.

I am a Military wife

I am a military wife - a member of that sisterhood of women who have had the courage to watch their men go into battle, and the strength to survive until their return. Our sorority knows no rank, for we earn our membership with a marriage license, travelling over miles, or over nations to begin a new life with our military husbands. Within days, we turn a barren, echoing building into a home, and though our quarters are inevitably white-walled and unpapered, we decorate with the treasures of our travels, for we shop the markets of the globe.


Using hammer and nail, we tack our pictures to the wall, and our roots to the floor as firmly as if we had lived there for a lifetime. We hold a family together by the bootstraps, and raise the best of 'brats', instilling in them the motto: "Home is togetherness", whether motel, or guest house, apartment or duplex. As military wives we soon realize that the only good in "Good-bye" is the "Hello again". For as salesmen for freedom, our husbands are often on the road, at sea, or in the sky, leaving us behind for a week, a month, an assignment.


During separations we guard the home front, existing until the homecoming. Unlike our civilian counterparts, we measure time, not by years, but by tours - married at Petawawa, a baby born at Gagetown, a special anniversary at Uplands, a promotion in St Jean. We plant trees, and never see them grow tall, work on projects completed long after our departure, and enhance our community for the betterment of those who come after us.


We leave a part of ourselves at every stop. Through experience, we have learned to pack a suitcase, a car or hold baggage, and live indefinitely from the contents within: and though our fingers are sore from the patches we have sewn, and the silver we have shined, our hands are always ready to help those around us. Women of peace, we pray for a world in harmony, for the flag that leads our men into battle, will also blanket them in death.


Yet we are an optimistic group, thinking of the good, and forgetting the bad, cherishing yesterday, while anticipating tomorrow. Never rich by monetary standards, our hearts are overflowing with a wealth of experiences common only to those united by the special tradition of military life. We pass on this legacy to every military bride, welcoming her with outstretched arms, with love and friendship, from one sister to another, sharing in the bounty of our unique, fulfilling military way of life.

The Military Wife

When God Created The Military Wife The Good Lord was creating a model for military wives and was into his sixth day of overtime when an angel appeared. She said, "Lord, you seem to be having a lot of trouble with this one. What’s wrong with the standard model?" The Lord replied, "Have you seen the specs on this order? She has to be completely independent, possess the qualities of both father and mother, be a perfect hostess to 4 or 40 with an hour’s notice, run on black coffee, handle every emergency imaginable without a manual, be able to carry on cheerfully, even if she is pregnant and has the flu, and she must be willing to move to a new location 10 times in 17 years. And oh yes, she must have six pairs of hands." The angel shook her head, "Six pair of hands? No way!" The Lord continued, "Don’t worry, we will make other military wives to help her. And we will give her an unusually strong heart so it can swell with pride in her husband’s achievements, sustain the pain of separations, beat soundly when it is overworked and tired, and be large enough to say "I understand" when she doesn’t and say, ‘I love you’ regardless." "Lord," said the angel, touching his arm gently "Go to bed and get some rest. You can finish this tomorrow". "I can’t stop now", said the Lord "I am so close to creating something unique. Already this model heals herself when she is sick, can put up six unexpected guests for the weekend, wave goodbye to her husband from a depot, pier or runway and understand why it’s important that he leave." The angel circled the model of the military wife, looked at it closely and sighed, "It looks fine, but it’s too soft". "She might look soft", replied the Lord, "but she has the strength of a lion. You would not believe what she can endure." Finally, the angel bent over and ran her finger across the cheek of the Lord’s creation. "There’s a leak", she announced. "Something is wrong with the construction. You are trying to put too much into this model." The Lord appeared offended at the angel’s lack of confidence. "What you see is not a leak", he said, "It’s a tear." "A tear? What is it there for?", asked the angel. The Lord replied, "It’s for joy, sadness, pain, disappointment, loneliness, pride and a dedication to all the values that she and her husband hold dear." "You are a genius!" exclaimed the angel. The Lord looked puzzled and replied, "I didn’t put it there". 

A Military Promise

A Soldier's Promise ...

I cannot promise you every night of my life. I cannot promise to be beside you for every difficult moment, every trial, every hardship. In truth, I can promise you that I will not be with you for most. I will leave you at inconvenient times. I may miss the births of our children. Any special date to us may be tainted with the anniversary of the death of one of my friends. I will ask you to take over whatever life we have built together for months and years at a time. And will then crash back into that life that you have used your sweat and your tears and your heartache to keep together and try to take it back as I knew it before. I will shut you out at times because it will be the best way for me to hold it together at that moment. I will lie to you. I will tell you I don't know things when I do. I will not always tell you where I am going, when I will be back, or who I am with. I may not call you for weeks and months and you will not be able to call me. You will ask questions that I won't answer. You will know answers to questions that you will hope you never need. I will share things with my brothers that you will never understand. They will know things about me that you never will. They will be a support to me in some things that you cannot be. I will miss birthdays. I will miss anniversaries. I will have to get to know our children over and over again. I may need time to process things that seem natural to everyone else. It will seem that someone - or something - will always take precedence over you. You may lose me long before you ever thought possible. I will uproot you and ask you to re-establish our family anywhere in the world, in any season, at any time - over and over again. Sand and mud will be tracked through your halls from the boots I am too tired to take off. I will leave you when you beg me not to. I will stand at attention while you cry beside me. I will not turn my head and I will walk away. I will knowingly break your heart. And I will do it again - and again.

I cannot promise you all of me. I cannot promise that to our children. I cannot promise you much of anything.

But if you will have me, I can promise that as I march away from you it is not without sharing your heartache. I promise you that every time I break your heart I will be breaking mine. Every time that I cannot answer you I will be protecting you. Whenever you want to call and you have no number to dial I will be wanting to do the same. I will protect everything that we have created together with every fiber of my being while you do the same back at home. I will honor you in everything - every moment that we are apart and every moment that I am with you. I will fight harder and push further knowing that I do so for you. I will see the faces of our children in every life that I protect. And I will carry you with me in everything until my sandy boots once again sit just inside our door.

An Army Wife's promise ...

I cannot promise that I will not become frustrated when you leave me and the world seems to fall apart around me. I cannot promise that I will not curse those who sent you when the dryer breaks, and the transmission needs to be replaced, and the dog eats the couch all in the same week - most likely the week after you deploy. I cannot promise that the sand and mud that cakes my floor will not cause me to give you harsh looks and rude thoughts. I cannot promise that my heart will not be torn in twelve different ways when you march away from me. I cannot promise that I will not let my anger show when you refuse to answer questions. I cannot promise to understand why you share things with your comrades that you will not share with me. I cannot promise that there won't be times when my heartache makes its presence known before my pride can mask it. I cannot promise that I will not show my worry and my concern when it is best for you not to see it. I cannot promise to understand why you do so many of the things you do.

But I can promise that for as many tears of sadness and frustration and anger that are shed there will be double that of tears of pride. I can promise you that for every time you are away from me, I will learn to cherish the times that you are with me. In everything I will honor you and honor your sacrifice. I can promise to teach our children to do the same. I will use every moment that you are not with them to show them the amazing man that you are through my actions and my pride. I can promise that there will never be a night where you are not the subject of my final prayer and the keeper of my dreams. I promise to try to be understanding that there are many things I will never understand. I promise to keep you with me in everything and to do my best to keep grace in this life. I will be strong for you as you are strong for me and I will carry you with me in every moment until your sandy boots again sit just inside our door.

I barely slept last night that when I finally crawled into bed next to my fiance, I had written my wedding vows, watched the last five episodes of season Six of Bones and the first episode from the seventh season, worked a little on my Veteran's day tribute video and that was around three-thirty a.m. I finally fell asleep around four, and slept almost completely through Steve coming home from PT (I finally woke up a little but when back to sleep) and managed to wake up around 9 this morning.

Ever since I've been awake, my mind has been consumed by my wedding in a week. Exactly a week. Seven days. There are only so many hours between now and then and I feel as though a million things must be done before I can walk down the aisle and say my vows to my husband-to-be. My dress is here, I have my shoes, my petticoat, my bra (victoria secret is awesome), my cloak. I have my hair refreshed and looking beautifully red and long. Lily has her flower girl dress and basket. Jax has his suit and ring bearer pillow. Steve had his Uniform altered. My bridesmaids are picked out, my wedding is just about together. There is alot I have to get done over this next week, but the main stuff, the important stuff. That is done. 

I doubt I could be happier than I am when I look at him smile at me. When I fell into bed last night, he wrapped his arms around me and told me he loved me. He kissed me and held me. I finally fell asleep to the sound of his steady breathing and the bump-bump-thump pattern of his heart. He woke me up when he came home from PT saying he'd put the tv on in the livingroom, fed them breakfast and that I could sleep. He came and woke me when he left saying Jax was sleeping on the coach because our kitten had slept with him last night and apparently, he hadn't slept much. I finally woke up about an hour after that. And when I did, I woke up to the kids cuddling on the couch, their eyes lit up when they saw me and we watched Blues Clues together. It was nice to cuddle with them and just spend that time with them doing something simple.

Lately, we've all been so busy. The kids have their friends, I have mine, Steve has his. We have wedding plans, the military and college to deal with. We have so much going on. It seems strange that this hasn't been my life for years and years. After all, when you finally have everything you wanted, you can hardly remember what life was like before you had it.

Anyways, I have to go. Lots to do. 

Much Love,

For now and Forever,

Leah

Steve and I are going out for Sushi tonight. We are having my birthday dinner between the two of us and I'm really excited, even though we are both exhausted. It's only 8 days until we are married and we want to have one last "date" before then. It's so strange to think that I'll be his wife in little over a week... I have been waiting for this moment for most of my life... After several bad relationships, it's amazing to think I finally found the one... the one man I get to spend forever with. No more dating, no more wondering if someone loves me. No more wondering what tomorrow holds, I know. I know where my life is leading, what it holds. And I am so grateful.

I prayed for him. I wonder if I ever mentioned that... I prayed after the way my last relationship ended that I would find the one who would love me for me... who would take me as I am and inspire me to be better and by the Grace of God, or luck of the draw, if you don't believe in God, I found my soul mate. <3 I found the one... 

And tonight, we celebrate my twenty-fourth birthday (which was yesterday) and the start of the best year of my life. This year I get to be married... then when we're ready, maybe this year, maybe next year, we will try for my third, or our third, child... And I can't wait....

The kids are watching a Dinosaur movie, while we wait for our sitter to arrive. So I'm going to go.

Much Love,

For now and Forever,

Leah

Time lapse lifeline ~ Song of the day

I�m keeping up, keeping up with the time lapse lifeline
And they can run they can run from the farm to the last ride
And we can hear we can hear the first beat to the flat line
I�m keeping up, keeping up with the time lapse lifeline
And once it's done

Oh we dream a life 
It was just like that, was like that
And just like that, and just like that it's done
Oh we dream a life 
It was just like that, was like that
And just like that, and just like that it's done

I get up I get up
Stop, fast-forward, rewind
And watch the sun watch the moon taking turns in the same sky
And you were dead as the leaves now you're new like the spring-time
I get up I get up 
Stop, fast-forward, rewind
And once it's done

Oh we dream a life 
It was just like that, was like that
And just like that, and just like that it's done
Oh we dream a life 
It was just like that, was like that
And just like that, and just like that it's done

Still we stand with the help of a steady hand
Capture images of boy and man 
Till its done
And 7 years combined is just a flicker of neon sign
Little negative of hopes replayed
Till they're done, oh they're done

Oh we dream a life 
It was just like, was like that
And just like that, and just like that it's done
Oh we dream a life 
It was just like, was like that
And just like that, and just like that it's done