He's a Soldier, you see

His bags were packed, in the car waiting

He was to leave me early that day

He had no choice, this is his job

His duty resides so far away

Saying goodbye to the man you love

Heartbreaking when you just don’t know

The next time you’ll see his face

He’s a soldier, you see, he had to go

I know this war isn’t his choice

He’d rather stay but the Army says it’s time

So he will go and miss so much

He has honor and that’s not a crime

He pledged to defend when he took his oath

For love of Country, with God’s good grace

He has gone and taken my heart

To that so very far, distant place

The lack of him, a sad emptiness

In my chest, this lonely ache

I pray to God, every night and day

To bring him home for my sake

He’s a soldier, you see, his duty called

He lives by the values, the creed he knows

A man of Honor, Integrity and Strength

He’s a Soldier, you see, he had to go

The man I love has given his life

To the service of a greater love

This Soldier of mine has placed his faith

In this great land and God above

While he’s gone, I will wait

Protecting his heart, where I belong

He’s my only one, my very own Hero

I’ll be waiting no matter how long

He’s a Soldier, you see, and I’m his girl

Letters and phone calls keep me alive

Trying to live without him here

Until he comes home, learning to survive.

Just pray for him and his brothers

For my sisters and I carry that burden

The sleepless nights, lonely days, endless fears

Of day-to-day and worries of them

Remember them every day,

Never forget they are still there

It’s our Flag they wear, no matter the branch

They are our Heroes but we can share

I'll miss you

I'm going to miss you. You are about to leave me for the second time to go to war and I'm afraid. I realized I loved you months ago but today I realized I can't live without you. Promise me to come home.

You are here and

Sad :(

You are leaving soon. And I don't like it.

you are in my dreams always

Thoughts on life.

You must be the change you wish to see in the world ~ Ghandi

Sometimes this quote really rings true for me. Since starting Recruited ByLove, I have done so much more than I ever thought I was capable of. I saved a great girl from doing something that would be forever unchangeable. I have helped two mothers in bad relationships get the help they need. I’ve been there for countless girls, listening to them vent, offering advice and giving them a friend whenever they need. Recruited is more than just a support site, it’s a calling and it’s mine. I have so many ideas and watching this page grow has been such an amazing adventure. I’ve never had so much love in my heart and I’ve never felt so good in my life. Having these girls, my boyfriend, my kids, living in the States (even if it’s a state that I hate) has been good.

So HE arrives in less than two days. He’ll be here Tuesday Afternoon and my heart skips a beat whenever I think about it. He is beyond all doubts the best man in my life and I would do everything and more to keep him in it for the rest of it. Yesterday I went shopping for food and ended up loading up on some stuff that I really love and picked up the ingredients to make Chicken-Fried steak. It will be so amazing. I also got my “welcome home” outfit put together. I picked up these almost army-style camo pants, a grey shirt which I customized to say “OPERATION TAKE THIS OFF and you’re in charge!” Underneath I will be wearing a very sexy pair of panties and bra. They are pink and black with black lace and a little silver bow in the middle of the bra and panties. So cute. I asked the girls on RBL and they said it sounded cute too. So whew.

Today I’m doing laundry. My god, washing all the blankets and just this weeks clothes and towels is taking forever. I can’t believe how much it takes sometimes. I have devote a day entirely to laundry, just to get it done. But it will all be done, everything will smell good and he’ll be laying in my bed in just a few days <3 My God, I am so excited and anxious.

Every fault I have is sticking out. I’ve broken out and I’m barely sleeping so I have bags under my eyes. Tomorrow I have dedicated to being my at home spa day. All day I will be getting ready, painting my nails, dying my hair a nice lovely shade of brown, and best yet, getting my room together. Also I have to fit homework in there, so I bought the biggest can of monster they sell and am going to force myself to get everything done for the week Monday night and Tuesday morning.

One of my neighbors agreed to babysit for me so I can go out with HIM alone YAY! Thank Gosh. I’ve been searching for one and less than three days prior, I found one. WOOT!

Anyways, I’d better get back to my day. Just wanted to check in. Have a gooder

Life is as life is.

Well, I have completed all my homework except for my paper. I'm stuck. I can't come up with a thesis. Hopefully I'll come up with something brilliant by Saturday, otherwise I'm screwed.


I keep having dreams about SR... Last night, I kept dreaming he got home and called me from the airport. And I was so excited but I'd wake up inside my dream and get mad, then sure enough. I think I'm getting quite impatient. haha.

My daughter turned FOUR!!!! yesterday. Wow I am the mother of a four year old daughter. Wow.

Also, it has snowed.... A LOT!

Ok. tired. write later. byez

Jan 10, 2011

I sit here, trying to find the words to explain what I feel at the moment and all I can come up with is hopeful, worried and in love. Over the past few days, I've been extremely worried about things, things concerning myself and my two children but today, today my amazing man promised me that he'd help me get things straightened out when he gets here and that soon enough I'll be leaving. He also reminded me that we have to go "Christmas" shopping when he gets back. He's even talked about going about an hour away to really make a day of it. I have never been so blessed as to have this amazing man in my life, this wonderful, sweet, charming man who in all reasoning should shake his head and walk away but stays with me, loving me from far away, helping me whenever he can, promising me a brighter future and holding onto that promise.

 

 Today Social Service showed up to "inspect" and found nothing, as I knew they wouldn't but when they try I get worried. They left saying that they would call me. Good, bye. Right after they left, I got back online with my love and told him, he said he was glad nothing had happened and that the rest of their concerns would go away and he'd have my back (and my front and all the other soft places haha).

I am so blessed with him, it's ridiculous. I love him beyond all else and I can't wait to see him. Soon, very very soon

God bless!

assassinations and life...

Dear World,

                Today, someone tried to assassinate a US Congresswoman from Arizona, a democrat who’d just been elected. I guess, someone was pissed off and took it out on her and several others. The shooter is in custody. Apparently, a Military spouse was also hit. What a world.

                I talked to Steve this morning which was awesome. I love hearing from him and he called to tell me that he’ll be home soon J I’m so excited!!! He’s this incredible guy and he’s going to be in my bed soon ;)  haha. We talked for about twenty-five minutes, which was so good for me because I really wanted to talk to him. I miss him so much. I can’t wait to see him.

                I baked this afternoon, strawberry and blueberry muffins. They are yummy. I also am making dinner right now, penne with my meat sauce. Pretty good dinner menu. I have country music from the 90s playing to keep me company while Lily and Jax torture me with misbehaving and creating a mess where I just cleaned up… It’s unending, twice the kids, ten times the work.

                Anyways, til later, Love, Leah

first friday of 2011

Well, this week has gone pretty well. I have gotten a lot done via school work is concerned. Turned in my first paper today, we’ll see how well I do. I had to chop a lot out of it because I had too many words. My computer finally let me download microsoft word again. It took ages. I wrote my report, did more than the minimum in all my classes, took notes for two weeks, have another paper to write next week, but I find out the topic on Monday, so no worries for the weekend. Just going to do my test tomorrow because I couldn’t focus on it tonight.

My biological father is not the type of man I’d wish on anyone. He hates me with a passion and whenever I refuse to allow him into my life, he tries to take me down any way he can. This time he’s focusing on my kids, which is so crap. He called Child services where he lives because he doesn’t know where I live. And there’s a reason for it. I don’t trust the man and I knew I shouldn’t. so I told him to back off and leave me alone. But he chose not to and then I told him I’d never let him in and he did this. Any wonder why I don’t trust him?

Makes me miss my Daddy, this all-too-amazing hero, who loved me and never for one minute made me feel less like his beautiful daughter, I was his little girl. He really gave me the best gift of all, unconditional love.

I haven’t gotten to talk to Steve in over 2 days. I miss him a lot and I’m slightly worried, but I am looking forward to that call, the one that says “Baby, I’m on American soil.” God, it consumes me. I miss him so much.

Anyways, it’s Friday night, I got a package from Belgium full of amazing chocolate, my auntie sent it to me. She’s not my real aunt but I’ve always found family in the world, we adopt each other…

Anyways, off to watch something mind-numbing and study a little more. Might take my exam tonight just to get it over with.

Love, Leah

college and life

Well, I am in College officially and focusing on it is actually pretty hard to do. I've been immersed in notes and working on assignments and papers for the past three days, knowing that I have to get ahead in class so when my Baby comes home (I KNOW THE DATES!!!!) I won't fall behind. And it's alot. I have a test to take this week, one more day of "going to class" and a paper to turn in. Plus there are 4 chapters worth of notes per class in the next two weeks that I'm trying to get written so I can relax when he's here.

In other news, it snowed  today, which was pretty but cold. I don't really like Snow anymore, blame it on the 3 years I spent in Northern Manitoba, but yea, wow, so not my thing.

I got to talk to Steve. We have some really amazing conversations and I'm so worried about him coming home, but so excited. He's the love of my life, and he doesn't even know it yet, but he will. When he gets here.

Anyways, I have to get back to school work. Fun Fun.

Love, Leah

the ending of the first day of 2011

This afternoon I went outside and met some of my neighbors while the kids enjoyed the 50F weather we were having. I spent the day hanging out and talking with my new neighbors. Some good people. :)

The kids enjoyed playing with a few neighbor kids who chased them and played ball with them. It was nice to watch my kids get all worn out and laughing the whole time. I hope that tomorrow's weather is equally nice and I can do the same as today.

Today I got some bad news, well bad in a way, and relieving in another. My favorite teacher and mentor, Marm, had his mother pass away last night. It was sad news but in a way, somewhat good, as she had been suffering dementia for the past four or five years, and living in a home that she did not want to be in for the past two, due to her daughter and a guardian appointed by the state. It makes me sad that Marm lost his only true family but in a way, I know he sees it as the relief his mother had been wanting for some time and the guardian would not give her any at all.
So rest in Peace, sweet woman, who raised one of the finest sons a mother could ever hope for. God bless you and may you be met with joy and happiness upon seeing your Husband again.

Other than the sad news that has greeted me, I am pleased to say that a good friend of mine heads of to Parris Island to train to be a Marine. I'm very proud of him and he has always been a good person. I can't wait to hear about his graduation and perhaps I'll even be able to see him Graduate. Very proud moment. :)

As for other things, the kittens are doing fine, their eyes have opened and I have arranged a home for one of the kittens. Possibly the other two. I'm keeping the gray one and her mother, I believe. I'm not entirely sure, but I think it's a possibility. I know the gray kitten beyond all facts. And knowing myself and my conscience, I will most likely keep Abby too.

Well I better go, it's getting late and I should relax and get some rest.

Love, Leah

the beginning of 2011

Today was a pretty good start to the new year... I got to talk to Steve just after midnight with skype :) I cannot wait to see him. I also got to talk to him this morning on facebook chat. I am so happy that he's coming home soon, it makes me feel so good. I also spent the early part of the day inside, relaxing. Then it was such a nice afternoon. I took the kids out back and they played with two neighborhood kids. We spent three hours outside. I met some of my neighbors and talked to adults in person. I think I can handle living here if I have a few afternoons like this every once in a while. I am so much more relaxed.

I also get to start school on Monday, but I also have to go to the bank and pay my rent :( Blah. I am so excited to start school. I picked up school supplies yesterday morning. I got a 5 subject notebook, to take notes in, 2 composition notebooks (they are for when I have exams, I rewrite notes so I know what I'm learning right before). I got pink pens and black pens, to make my note taking and studying easier. I also got highlighters.

Then yesterday, I rearranged my bedroom (since moving in, it's been just a place I sleep and watch tv) but now i made it so when Steve comes home, it'll be easier for him.  I also hung up my posters to make this place a little more colorful.

Well, I'm exhausted and Steve might be calling later, so I'm going to crash early. I miss him so much and he's given me so much strength.

thank you, 2010, for my Soldier

Dear World,

I can hardly believe that 2010 is over, that in an hour and a half, 2011 will be upon us. I am still amazed by the events of this past year. 

This time last year, I was living in a completely different place, with a man who didn't deserve my love, nor loved me back. I had a dog, whom I miss so much and was so far from home, it hurt my heart daily. Then the year passed and and alot changed.

I met this man, this amazingly honorable and sweet man who although I didn't know it at the time, would piece my heart back together and give me so much hope and faith for a future full of love, happiness and peace. That together we could have a truly epic and lasting relationship. He encouraged me in whatever dreams came into my fancy as well as found a way to protect me from the hardships this world sometimes placed in my path.

When I was a little girl, I dreamed that one person would share my dreams, happiness and energy. I could never see his face, but he was always there and I always knew he was out there, somewhere, in the world, that I just needed to find him and feel his heart with mine. I visualized the bond we would have and the courage he would give me to endure life's obstacles. All these years, I was with others, feeling my way through life, learning lessons that would would prepare me to become the person that I am now. I have been hurt and abandoned, I have felt alone and sad. Then one day, my eyes opened and I was that little girl again, realizing that he was there, finally, at last. That in my world was the man that I had dreamed of and I'd hoped would not miss our meeting in life... and that man is my Captain, my heart, my everything.

In 2011, I shall start the year with the love of my life calling me (or skyping, I don't yet know which). We have talked about our plans for the year and our wishes. He told me that this year will be the best year of my life, and I hope he's right, because as long as he is in it, I believe that it will be. I love him, with all my heart and soul, for now and forever.

Love, Leah

PS. I also begin School on Monday and he comes home for r&r in just a couple weeks. I am so thrilled, my heart beats faster whenever I think on it.

May the best of last year be the worst of next.