A sad and boring day

Today wasn't very exciting, but I'm pretty glad for that. It wasn't very good either, which seems like has been happening too much lately.

It started off okay enough. Beau woke me up by stepping on me while I was in bed and then Steve woke me up by yelling at Beau for chewing on one of Lily's toys. Frustrating but he's just getting comfortable. It'll take him a little longer than three days to learn the house rules.

After I got up, Steve and I talked about random stuff and he went to work, only to come home a little while later because he forgot his phone. We had coffee together and talked about what we have to do this weekend. Too much.

Beau and Luna have been fighting today which is frustrating too. Luna hisses at him and Beau barks at her, causing her to take a clawed swipe at him. At least, she's not mad at me for bringing the dog into our home... A part of me thinks Steve is not so happy about it.

After he left again, it was almost lunchtime for the kids so I fed them lunch, played around on RBL asking very random questions. The reason I ask the questions in case someone doesn't know and is one of my members reading this: I love getting to know you. I love knowing that you each have these lives that are worth knowing about. I read the answers and I give my own. It's a good thing for me because I am often alone at home during the day with only my children and Steve has homework or other work to get done at night, so I'm pretty bored sometimes and having the connection with others is nice. :)

I also talked to one of my best friends today, which was nice. We talked about how she might be getting a dog soon (she's been wanting one just like me and might have found the perfect fit). And about what happened yesterday and how I've worked to resolve that.

Later, when Steve came home from work, he brought me my prescription (it had run out and I'm still in pain from the surgery, so I called to get more and he picked them up) and had bought me ice cream :) Then we watched an episode of the TROOP where I was an extra back in 2009 or so. It was pretty cool to see myself on TV. I've never watched anything I've extra-ed on before.

But then Beau escaped the yard (he's been kind of bullheaded today and been frustrating both Steve and I, but I'm sure I have more patience for him than Steve does) and I had to run to get him. Then I told Steve that he had to put his tools somewhere besides the top of our extra-large dog kennel (for timeout for Beau, it had originally been the puppy we got last summer's training cage but he died of Parvo after only a week) so we could put Beau in when he did something bad, a nonviolent form of discipline. He got irritated with me and then started moving stuff around.

Needless to say I went into the bedroom, where I am now writing this blog because I'm frustrated completely. I don't like when Steve and I are like this. We are best friends most of the time but after the past week, we're both completely frustrated and instead of talking, he gets quiet and moody and acts like there is nothing wrong, which I know there is and when he does that I get mad and ignore him. I know, childish, but it's better than fighting,  and even though I know we'll probably talk it through soon, it's bothering me that I can't talk to him right now.

So now I'm about to go to bed, close my door, turn on Crossing Jordon on Netflix and read my book until sleep mercifully takes me into the dreamland where everything is stress-free and where things are good. At least, I hope so. I hope there are no nightmares tonight. ... there were last night.



24 days until we PCS and I can't wait.

Love,
Leah

Drama never stops

So today was a bad day. I won't go into too much detail but I had more bullshit petty army wife drama to deal with. It was the same shit I had to go to Family advocacy about. The worst part is that I just had my surgery on Monday so I was in pain and then when people I didn't want at my house showed up, I was scared (and pain and fear = anger for me), so I got mad and used my anger to make me feel stronger. And since I was angry, I wasn't open to what was happening and might have made things a tiny bit worse than I intended. The only good part was that my husband came home and we had all our ducks in a row. He helped me calm down and answer all these people's questions. I was so angry though and basically went off on this woman for being cold-hearted (She told me that my surgery or the pain I was feeling didn't matter, her words). They told me that I have to take my kids to see a doctor. Well, you dumbass bitch, I do that anyways, like on Monday when they have shots again! I also have an appointment for my daughter in Alexandria on March 20th!  When they finally left, I broke down. I cried and hugged Beau. Steve took Lily to dance class and promised to bring home pizza for dinner. After he left, I called my best friend and told her what happened. She was with me in spirit, because sadly, she's too far away to be here in person. I'm so glad I was able to talk to her about the whole thing. I wouldn't be able to handle all that has been going on without her or Steve. Between the two of them, they keep me going and keep me smiling (along with my babies, all four of them :P)

See, Steve and I make a great team in anything we do. Where I'm over-emotional, he's calm and steadfast. Where I am more creative, he's more practical. And today, his calmness was necessary and my anger was an obstacle.



What I don't understand, and probably never will, is the extent of how truly low people get. I mean, I should know by now it happens, but for some reason, that always escapes me. Maybe I'm too naive or maybe I have just seen so much evil that I search for the good in everyone and that one good quality I find, blinds me to the reality of them. After all, I was kidnapped, I was abused, I have gone through emotional pain that I wouldn't wish on anyone. My biological father kidnapped me and abandoned me with strangers just to keep me from my mother, but she didn't treat me any better than he did when I was finally given back to her (after almost 4 years).  I was an abused child, beaten and emotionally torn apart by my mother. I was the pawn in a war between my grandmother and her. My father (my step-father, but real father of my heart) was the only person who gave me love in my house as a child and he didn't know until my late teens what was going on and by then, he was a full-blown alcoholic, incapable of stopping it. I was beat by a boyfriend or two (like I said in a previous blog, I've made mistakes) and I have been cheated on. I lost the only parent I ever had that loved me and have no connection to my biological parents at all.

Maybe the fact that I've seen so much bad, lived through so much hell, is the reason I never expect it anymore. Actually, I thought had ended when I married Steve. Maybe that was also naive to believe. But everything was so much better with him. He knew all my scars and he knew all my pain. He never used it against me or made me feel like it made me a bad person. If anything, he saw that my past makes me more compassionate, more willing to see the good in everyone, even people I don't like. He knows that I love animals because they aren't mean by nature, that I have to have a pet otherwise my heart hurts (yep, I really feel depressed without something to pet and love on and get unconditional love from). Luna became mine because my old cat (Riot) disappeared and I couldn't find her anywhere. I was so depressed. So he let me adopt Luna. When Beau came, he knew he wasn't getting out of us keeping him unless someone claimed him and no one has.

He knows that I can't even spank my kids because it makes me feel horrible. I never want to be my mother. I would kill myself first. Even the moments where I yell at them, I feel like I'm too much like her. I spend time with my kids. I encourage their activities. I want them to be themselves. I spoil them. I was never really spoiled by my mother and if it weren't for the fact that she was expected to let me have activities, she would have kept me home, locked up in my room. It was my dad who let me date (surprise!) and it was my Dad who took me shopping for clothes I actually wanted to wear. If she had her way, I would have only worn pink and white and dresses. I hated those colors and dresses until I was in my early 20s. I had such a horrible mother that I do everything possible to be better than her and to be more like my Gram.

My Gram is my inspiration of what a mother, what a grandmother and what a woman in general should be like. She's amazing. She's strong and stubborn and full of life (even in her 70s!) and wonderful. All of her kids love her, all of her grandkids love her. She's my grandfather's second wife and ever since I was about 7 or 8, maybe a little older, I've called her Gram. She's never treated me like I wasn't one of her Grandkids, even though she also hates my mother (it's something we both agree on, that she's a liar and crazy and not worth having in your life at all). She's a great cook, was a great wife to both her husbands (her first husband, Jack, died before I was born, I believe and is the father of her two sons and one daughter) and buried two husbands. She's so strong and honestly, there aren't words that can describe her. She'll yell at you, cuss at you, and tell you she loves you in the same conversation. She'll make the best fudge ever and spoil you with her food and then tell you why you aren't doing something right. She'll tell you not to screw it up when everything is going right.  She's still up early in the morning, helps my cousins watch their kids since they live close to her and makes time to talk to me at least once every couple of weeks, usually every week. I love her so much.

I've had this amazing inspiration on my life and she doesn't fit the normal mold for "Grandmother" at all. And I love that about her. I don't want her to be normal. I like who she is, and I want to be like her. In some ways, I am. I'm stubborn like her and I tell people like is like her. I hope in all ways I can be like her. It's my greatest wish. She isn't normal and that's what makes her perfect. :)

So because I have these great people in my life, from my husband, my perfect partner, my soulmate, my husband, to my best friends to my Gram, I have so many people watching to make sure that I am the best I can be. They make sure I'm a good mother, a good wife, they talk me down from the "I'm about to do something crazy/stupid/_fillintheblank_" place I can sometimes get and they encourage my happiness.

Plus I couldn't imagine ever hurting my children. WHO COULD HURT A CHILD?? And why would someone believe I would?!? But I know the truth, that petty wife, she doesn't actually believe I am neglecting my children (I have proof up the waszoo that I don't!), she just hates me enough and judges me based on the handful of times we've actually seen each other. That's what hurts the most. What kind of person does she think I am? Like her?? NOPE! And proud to be not only a better mother than she thinks, but clearly a better person than she is.

So today, I dealt with more shit that I wanted to and I can't sleep again because of it. The stress is eating at me and I really need a vacation but the good news is in 25 days I am out of this place and I can't wait!!!!


Anyways, I'm off to do something else. Good night.


PS. I hope that nothing I said tonight makes you think less of me, this is the honest truth of what I've been through, maybe not every detail but enough so you get the gist.


Update at 10:50am Friday Morning:::


I called BJach to make an appointment with Maj. Savage (their Pediatrician) and when they asked why I was blunt and told them... The nurse on the line told me You aren't the only one whose pissed off an army wife. I've been there. It made me feel better. She is going to call me back to see if I can just get an overview of Lily's last appointment to send to Family Advocacy and be done with it. :) Yay! I'm glad I'm not the only one who has pissed off a petty wife and I'm glad that people aren't being cruel about it or judging me instantly based on that. Yayness.

Stress, pain, Beau

Well, it's another day in my life. And it seems that lately things have just been so stressful that when good things happen, it doesn't keep me elated for long before the stress returns. I am twenty-four years old, will be 25 later this year. I am married, I am a mother of two. I have two pets (as of now) not including fish. I am PCSing in less than a month with my family. I have a few more appointments that are absolutely necessary before we leave, three of which are an hour away from home. I now have vet appointments to make for my pets, recovery time which isn't going well or smoothly. My husband doesn't seem like himself which is making me feel down also.

Life is just hard. I try to make it a little easier, by doing good things. Like taking Beau in as a member of our family. Like donating to one of the causes RBL is asked to help (this one for a MG walk for the cure). I try to keep positive and spread good karma around so it will return to me, but then bad things happen and I get stressed far more than normal. And I am stressed beyond what I should be at this moment.

I've heard it said that moving is one of the most stressful things a person does. It's probably true considering my anxiety levels right now. Even my husband's "random searches" for items are getting to me. Like he'll ask me if I know where something is when I am clearly doing something, and I tell him "just a minute" and he'll keep looking, making me feel pressured to stop what I'm doing and get him what he's looking for. He's done it to me three times today alone and I just want to snap at him. Like, seriously? I'm already in pain and he has to pressure me to do things for him because he can't wait 2 minutes for me to finish a task and move on.

Update on Beau:::
His ticks are falling off (which is a HUGE relief) and he's eating properly, going to the bathroom and doing all that the way he should. He's also really good on the leash, really loving and just a big lapdog. I did discover that he'll chew my windowsill if he's left alone in a room and the door is shut. Grrr, since we are selling our house in less than a month and now that has to be fixed. But oh well, other than that, he seems to be doing much better and I'm grateful for that.

Anyways, I'm tired and still in pain, hoping to get some rest tonight, but the kids are loud right now and won't quiet down (to be fair, Daddy and Beau are exciting to be around for them). I'm hurting and in desperate need of sleep and freedom from pain.

Love,
Leah

Beau

Well, my day got better. Let me just say this::: No matter what, animals, especially dogs always make my heart feel better when I'm feeling very sad and very stressed.

Today, I saw an unfamiliar dog to the area wandering around, I had my husband whistle for him and he came over, we gave him some treats and put him in the yard so we could call animal control and see if someone was looking for him, but animal control was closed. Upon closer inspection of this dog, I discovered ticks, loads of them. So my husband, being the wonderful man he is, went to the store and bought flea-tick shampoo, spray and treatment and a deworming pill packet, just in case. When he came home, we fought to give the dog a bath, discovering even more ticks. We finally had him washed down really well and let him out of the tub, he shook himself all over my bathroom, my hallway, my livingroom before finally making it to the yard. We dried him off with a towel, and then started pulling the ticks out, I lost count around 20. I told my husband that I didn't think he belonged to someone because underneath all of his fur, he was boney and he has a limp. To be honest, I think he's old, like around 8 or so, and I think someone just ditched him. So after we plucked as many ticks as we could find, we sprayed him down with the treatment, then gave him the monthly packet that goes on his neck, fed him the two tablets for deworming, gave him food and water and let him inside. He'll need more baths over the next few days, and possibly a groomer in addition to a vet.

Even if he does belong to someone, the sheer neglect he suffered is enough to make me say that he is NOT going back to them. And he can't go to a shelter, he's too old and too big, no one would adopt him. So we are taking him in.

And here he is, now officially Boudreaux "Beau" :::

and Lunatic's reaction to him lol

June 1st, 2011

I’ve been alone for a while. Deployment kind of sucks major ass. I’ve been sad for a while and I’m not really even sure why. Steve has been deployed for exactly 305 days and will be deployed for a double-digit number more. It’s something I’m used to by now but I miss him every single moment of every single day. I’m trying to get used to living in his house without him and the idea of living with him here is giving me huge nerves. I’m excited and really really nervous. What if he doesn’t want to live with me? What if he doesn’t want to love me anymore? I worry because he’s all that I love and want in the world. I never want to live without him. I want to marry him and I want to have his babies and I want to spend the rest of my life as his wife. But lately, I’m afraid he just won’t want that too. I look at his pictures (they are everywhere in the house) and I love him even more when lines from his letters enter my mind or a song reminds me of how I feel. 

And I’m just sad. I have a good life right now, but it could be better and will be better when Steve comes home. I have a cute kitten who loves me beyond everything, two beautiful kids that drive me crazy but are smart and happy and will hopefully have a better life than me. I want to give them the world and I don’t know how to do that. Right now, I’ve been struggling. I think I need to see a psychiatrist but I really don’t want to. I’d rather talk to an Army Chaplain but I’m not sure how that works. I realize I’m the daughter of a Hero and that helps, but I’m also “just a girlfriend” and it’s really odd for me. I hate how I am not at home yet. I hate that I still feel pretty alone. I’m trying to convince my best friends to come see me. I’m lonely and the phone makes me feel lonelier. Texts are just disappointing and phone calls are rarely a joy anymore (only his). I miss my homestate, I miss Germany, I miss Vancouver and I miss my friends. 

I miss my friends in Jersey because back then, despite how fast we grew up, we still had this core group that hung out and talked and I remember one day in Marmaluk’s classroom, I had bruises on my arms and Dustin exposed them. Different kids were suddenly telling me their stories. Drunk parents, dead-beats, drugs, alcohol, the same different story over and over. And it was the first time I’d ever been accepted for the darkness in my writing. In Jersey, I had guys that would have done anything to protect me. Once a girl made me cry and Dustin made her cry back. I got stalked and suddenly I had body guards. I had people who loved me, even if there weren’t that many.

In Germany, I blossomed into the full-blown rebel that I would become and eventually move past. I drank a lot and smoked a lot. I was popular and had tons of friends including some pretty amazing ones. I miss it sometimes. But mostly, I wish I could change how it ended there. It was such a terrifically sad way to end an era.

Then Manitoba gave me two children and lessons learned before Vancouver opened my mind up even more. I loved that city. I watched the Olympics and watched a Country explode with happiness as they won the most Gold medals after in the overtime against USA Hockey game. I met an amazing girl who became one of my best friends for life. I met the man I love today there after I’d suffered two great blows. Sometimes I know that these places are chapters of my life that one day, maybe I’ll write about every shameful detail, but until then, these memories and the faces that I knew… most of them who are gone now due to war and cancer, mostly, they haunt me.

New York sucked except that I got to see my Gram a few times and made friends with some pretty interesting and good people. It was too cold for my taste and too dirty and depressing. I was glad to get out of there.

Now I’m in Louisiana and I really don’t know what to think. I was attacked by some random chick who proved her ignorance, I have been getting creepy stalkerish messages and had middle of the night visits from three different guys that I made leave (one neighbor and two friends of neighbors) and it’s just weird. At the same time, some people are really great but I have no idea how to make friends anymore, so I’m sort of lonely.

And in a certain amount of days, my future is truly going to begin. Starting when Steve finally kisses me for our third first time and hopefully continuing forever. I just hate not knowing. I hate being so unsure. I am madly in love with that man and couldn’t imagine anyone else. He’s all I ever need. And I miss him. I fell in love with a Soldier and that means I have too much time to think. I do pray more than I ever have though. To God, to my grandfather, to my Daddy… I pray that they will protect Steve and give him peace and to send my love over the miles of ocean and land and that they will bring him home to me. Nothing else matters.

Well, I have to go. I just thought I’d write for once. I’ve been kind of neglectful.

deep thoughts

I have cut ties to some people in my life recently that would like to blame me and call me names, insulting me while trying to get me to open my life up to them again. I refuse to drink a glass of wine with the capsules of poison showing. I have far more in my life than I have ever had. I have a wonderful man, who makes certain that I feel safe and like I don’t have to be alone against the world. He just so happens to be a hero to me in every single way. I know that he is more important to my life than the negative.

Thoughts flow through my head as I try to see the similiarities between myself and them. I know we share so many qualities: We love.  We hate.  We feel torn.  We live. We laugh. We cry.  We hurt… both others and ourselves.  We learn.  We laugh some more. We cry harder.  We scream louder, and then we whisper softer.  We feel ambivalence, and abundance.  We love more.  We hate more. We get to know passion like the back of our hands, and then like any flaming romance it eventually dulls, even bores.  Then we’re faced with the choice:

Do we seek something greater, higher, deeper, and more extravagant? Or are we content with what we have, what we know?

When it comes to emotional roller coasters, I’ve had my share.  And I’ve decided that I’m content and do not need to know a deeper meaning.  I do not need to express my anger over days of insult, childish, dramatic, totally dysfunctional behaviour.  And I don’t wish to associate with those who have reached adulthood and still feel the need.  I love through and true, and I have chosen to love those who matter to me and whom I matter to. I will never be disloyal to someone who has given me nothing but love, when far too many have shown they are no one to turn to.

Life is not easy.  Nor is love.  We learn to communicate effectively to get the responses we need… Or, as the battle of the fittest works we keep losing – over and over again.

I won’t lose anymore sleep over this. I won’t miss her for what she was to me. I’ll only miss the woman she never was. I’ve ended all ties with my mother because she does not love me and no matter how much I wish she would be, she’ll never care about me more than she cares about herself. She won’t love my children with the grandmotherly affections and sweet treats. She hasn’t yet. I can’t put myself through that anymore.

And with him at my side (no matter how far away), I’ve learned that family is supposed to be something of love. My father always loved me, I know that. I have felt the great loss of love, he loved me enough for both my parents. My life is always going to ache for his love, my heart still feels the loss so greatly when I allow myself a moment to think about it. I will always miss him.

Steve allows me to be me. He doesn’t make me think that I am any less than worthy and I could not be more certain that he is my life and love. Why should I live with the pain of someone who will never be offering a hand at the price of a leg when I can have someone that will offer a warm embrace at the cost of a kiss?

Never again will I drink the poisoned wine, never again will I fight a battle with someone who is childish and selfish. For the rest of my life, I want happiness. I’m old enough to realize that life is short, I want mine to be full of happiness and worthy challenges to accomplish.

assassinations and life...

Dear World,

                Today, someone tried to assassinate a US Congresswoman from Arizona, a democrat who’d just been elected. I guess, someone was pissed off and took it out on her and several others. The shooter is in custody. Apparently, a Military spouse was also hit. What a world.

                I talked to Steve this morning which was awesome. I love hearing from him and he called to tell me that he’ll be home soon J I’m so excited!!! He’s this incredible guy and he’s going to be in my bed soon ;)  haha. We talked for about twenty-five minutes, which was so good for me because I really wanted to talk to him. I miss him so much. I can’t wait to see him.

                I baked this afternoon, strawberry and blueberry muffins. They are yummy. I also am making dinner right now, penne with my meat sauce. Pretty good dinner menu. I have country music from the 90s playing to keep me company while Lily and Jax torture me with misbehaving and creating a mess where I just cleaned up… It’s unending, twice the kids, ten times the work.

                Anyways, til later, Love, Leah

the ending of the first day of 2011

This afternoon I went outside and met some of my neighbors while the kids enjoyed the 50F weather we were having. I spent the day hanging out and talking with my new neighbors. Some good people. :)

The kids enjoyed playing with a few neighbor kids who chased them and played ball with them. It was nice to watch my kids get all worn out and laughing the whole time. I hope that tomorrow's weather is equally nice and I can do the same as today.

Today I got some bad news, well bad in a way, and relieving in another. My favorite teacher and mentor, Marm, had his mother pass away last night. It was sad news but in a way, somewhat good, as she had been suffering dementia for the past four or five years, and living in a home that she did not want to be in for the past two, due to her daughter and a guardian appointed by the state. It makes me sad that Marm lost his only true family but in a way, I know he sees it as the relief his mother had been wanting for some time and the guardian would not give her any at all.
So rest in Peace, sweet woman, who raised one of the finest sons a mother could ever hope for. God bless you and may you be met with joy and happiness upon seeing your Husband again.

Other than the sad news that has greeted me, I am pleased to say that a good friend of mine heads of to Parris Island to train to be a Marine. I'm very proud of him and he has always been a good person. I can't wait to hear about his graduation and perhaps I'll even be able to see him Graduate. Very proud moment. :)

As for other things, the kittens are doing fine, their eyes have opened and I have arranged a home for one of the kittens. Possibly the other two. I'm keeping the gray one and her mother, I believe. I'm not entirely sure, but I think it's a possibility. I know the gray kitten beyond all facts. And knowing myself and my conscience, I will most likely keep Abby too.

Well I better go, it's getting late and I should relax and get some rest.

Love, Leah

missing you hurts

I woke up this morning at around 530. I just couldn't sleep. I guess it's that time of deployment. It's the part where the random tears come and the missing grows stronger. The part where every happy couple I see, I want to punch and make them go away. But it's also the time I start my countdown for r&r. I miss you. I just want you to know that you are the reason for me. The reason I want good in my life, the reason I don't want to let go, no matter how hard this deployment is. I wish we had more realtime romance but I know somehow we'll figure it out....well i gotta go. Miss you... can't wait for your voice.

my birthday night

Tonight, thanks to some help, I found a song... it's called come home by one republic, the song on this sites home page. Anyways, I am listening to it on repeat. The words to it remind me of you Hello World, hope you're listening, forgive me if i'm young and speaking out turn, there's someone that i've been missing, I think that they could be the better half of me, they're in the wrong place trying to make it right, but I'm tired of justifying... i say to you come home, come home, cuz i've been waiting for you for so long, for so long, and right now there's a war between vanities but all i see is you and me, the fight for you is all I've ever known, so come home... I get lost in the beauty of everything I see, the world ain't half as bad as they paint it to be, if all the sons and all the daughters stopped to take in well hopefully the hate subsides and the love can begin, it might start now or maybe i'm just dreaming out loud. but until then come home, come home everything i can't be is everything you should be and that's why i need i need you here, everything i can't be is everything you should be and that's why i need you here...  so hear this now, come home, come home! cuz i've been waiting for you for so long, for so long and right now there's a war between vanities but all i see is you and me, the fight for you is all i've ever known, so come home..." I can't help but think of you and me and thinking that this is the song that reminds me exactly how i'm feeling. I know you could be my better half, you're everything I wish I could be and I need you in my life, i want you here. I know you will come home soon (at least for leave) and I can't wait to be wrapped in your arms, feeling you near to me, so I can stop missing you. If you ever thought missing me was hard, you should try missing you. It's impossibly hard to get through a day lately without wishing with all my heart you were near or that i could talk to you or text you. I never thought I'd feel this again, not really, but there's you, in the wrong place trying to make it right... I miss you... as always, come home to me, safe and sound. xxx, ooo times infinity <3

It's my birthday night and all I keep wishing is that  you were the last voice I heard today. Or that I can stay up long enough for you to come online and make me smile. if I had my way, I could do more than post another entry here. I miss you...

Stay safe, call soon, and come home safe. You're all I'll ever need.

<3 your girl

This couldn't be real

my father is dead. TSgt Charles Timothy Gose died October 27th, 2009 and he's gone forever :'( My heart is shattered.... Who cares about anything else. His funeral is set for my birthday. Who cares? I lost my Hero.

I love you Daddy... <3

a tale of a sad little girl

This is the story of the sad little girl
The one no one rescued, the one no one loved
Her long worn mask, lays undone next to her delicate hand
Her tear-stained face finally revealed, unaged by the sands of time
The echoes of past-pain scream loudly through the room
She lies upon a bed of white silk,
Her black hair spread about her face, a dark halo
Her arms relaxed, her hands unclenched
The crimson puddle grows like wings unfolding
Her face is clear, she no longer remains
A morbidly beautiful sight
This is the tale of the lonely lost soul
the one no one knows,
she, a creature so mythical, pure fantacy, existed
A perfect doll of unfulfilled dreams lies broken irrepairably
Forgive us, we were not to know
Our hearts beat while hers grows cold