lonely soul

Late at night, in the cold dark silence that surrounds me
I find myself, from time to time, pondering my life and everything in it
Sometimes I wonder if I know where I am
Did I trade part of myself for something better that I can't find
Maybe I lost some meaning, some reason, something I needed to be me
Can I change my destiny if I don't know what it is?
A part of me is lost, I think maybe I gave up too much
everything to everyone, perhaps all I had to give
I question myself and wonder if I'm just a lonely soul
all the while a broken doll, a confusion of shame and pride
I wonder where the love is, it felt so strong, so real, so true
I need a guardian of the night to save me from this maelstorm of dark thoughts
Mistakes became regrets, bloody scars litter my soul
I think of those closest to me, the conversions left unsaid, too hard to say
Betrayed by words I never heard, so I go without and hold my smile
Younger now than I was before, a creature with no control
Will all this garbled pain and history be the cause of my undoing
still, I find, I can't let go of everything I hold, despite how empty and cold
A void that could be filled without so much longing and indifference
Close my eyes, embrase the darkness, tomorrow I will wake
Another day to change my fate, another chance to see it coming
I will never say never, when I don't know when
I'll do my best with my best look and pray that I will make it
That somewhere down the road, I'll find that part I am missing
A lost and lonely soul, I'll be no more, when I find what I have needed

a tale of a sad little girl

This is the story of the sad little girl
The one no one rescued, the one no one loved
Her long worn mask, lays undone next to her delicate hand
Her tear-stained face finally revealed, unaged by the sands of time
The echoes of past-pain scream loudly through the room
She lies upon a bed of white silk,
Her black hair spread about her face, a dark halo
Her arms relaxed, her hands unclenched
The crimson puddle grows like wings unfolding
Her face is clear, she no longer remains
A morbidly beautiful sight
This is the tale of the lonely lost soul
the one no one knows,
she, a creature so mythical, pure fantacy, existed
A perfect doll of unfulfilled dreams lies broken irrepairably
Forgive us, we were not to know
Our hearts beat while hers grows cold

confessions

Illumination of my soul, inspired by a lovely friend not forgotten at all...
I feel myself relax and my eyes close, the dreams of yesterdays dance before my eyes
his face, his smile, his laugh, his eyes, always full of joy, always quick to smile
a second glance at a fading photograph fills my heart with vivid feeling
Inside my soul, there's a secret he never knew,
a confession my painted heart refused to share
but what would have happened if I'd been discovered
would it have been sophisticated and sweet or beautiful and tragic
I'm convinced it would have been worth it all
His soul is still so pure, so beautiful, a warm white spot in a cold black storm
I contemplate my life, my past and my present,with visions of a senescent mind
He couldn't understand the yearning I felt back then
Just to have his smile, his eyes, his face, full of joy just for me
He couldn't understand the way he mesmerizes me with everything he says
The trouble with love is it's elusive nature, it's there buried deep within
The flight of the gifted, the blessing of the true
What if one moment changes everything? What if I had only tried?
I think of how he's become so enlightened and I reflect
On a time that never passed, a memory that was never formed
Another life, another time, a euphoric daydream of mine...