....

No magic mirror or sequined mask could hide us from our inner selves,
we don't need a long gaze to know who we are,
a quick glimpse with a blind eye could render a million confessions...
it's what we choose to let in which will ultimately let us out,
it's how we choose which causes the effect
and right now no one wants an easier life than I.
And I remember, I remember everything,
the happy, the sad, the vacant, the highs,
the lows, and the laughter no matter what the cause.
And I miss it, probably more than I should,
because it was such a warm white spot in my life,
like the eye of a hurricane
or that comfortable silent moment after my memories fade
and before my nightmares begin.
Somewhere in there I found it and I've been longing for it ever since.
But the world revolves, life evolves, hearts resolve, everything is changing.
And through this ever shifting series of events
we find ourselves in need of pause and reflection.
Sometimes it can be good
and sometimes the face staring back at us is more than we can bare.
In time this will all pass,
in time this will all be nothing more
than a dusty memory sitting upon an aging shelf
in someone's senescent mind,
in time it will crumble
like the remnants of a decaying photograph and we won't have to look at it anymore.
Scars won't heal if we pick them,
and recollections won't fade if we keep remembering them.

Never again

Never again will I allow my brain to be mislead by my heart. I made a mistake with you. You tried to destroy me and you nearly did. The worst part, I let you.

how to change a life

I don't want to know how to save a life
I want to know how to change a life
What it takes to make a life
Not just procreation
But something real and full of life
Full of laughter, full of joy
And fillwed with delight.
A positive mind and living right
Despite the hype
of possessions and vanity
The selfish might
get too caught up in the glitter
to notice the truthful light
that shines so bright
it puts an end to night
I suggest you make virtue your plight
and carry on with clarity in sight
That maybe you'll see
that this world is capable
of peace love and unity.

love

The gray clouds
couldn't hide a light like this
A light house
couldn't shine bright like this
A mirror
couldn't reflect clear like this
Because it couldn't
detect the detail of a love like this
Look once
Look again, twise more
Get caught up inthe gaze
Let your eyes explore
Touch with your mind
Let your feelings run the course
And rejoice
Let your soul be lifted
On the wings of doves in a flock
my heart goes with it
The flight of the gifted
All the reason to attempt it

Tick-tock

Tick-tock, the clock keeps ticking,

a split-second and the world is empty,

among the broken mirrors and shattered glass,

here isn't a safe place to stand,

looking around this world isn't the one I want to see.

Standing still watching the buildings burn,

this ash is raining on me.

I'm not afraid, the worst is over,

but the battle has just begun to rage around me.

I don't care if this world is destroyed,

I want to help destroy it,

as long as you can't be there to hurt me

or make me watch your obscene version of morality,

I'll gladly watch this world burn.

I'll take my turn and I'll choose my weapon.

Line up the shot, my gaze is long,

my aim is steel

and this bullet will knock you off your feet.

You won't be here tomorrow, not if I kill you today.

Don't fear, I'll make it quick.

You won't have to watch the cities crumble under my rage,

I promise you the sleep of the dead then.

Tick-tock, your heart beats, split second, the world is empty

how old would i be if I never knew my age?

Gazing into my reflection, I wonder,
How old would I be if I never knew my age?
Have all these experiences made me older?
Has all the heartbreak made me colder?
Or do my dreams keep me young?
Do my hopes keep me warm?
My twisted journey through the weeds
Tangled up and scratched and nicked
I never managed to keep the trail
I’m so far from where I started,
So different from what I knew,
Now I’m somewhere completely new
With no ties to anyone, no roots to anywhere
A gradually sudden ending precedes
A new beginning, a fresh chance to try again
Inside I feel the fears and doubts eating me within
I take a deep breath to gather strength
And courage to start anew.
Looking in the mirror I wonder
How old would I be if I never knew my age?

pain....

I can't stop this feeling, so alone with no distraction
All I have is what's inside, these dark black waves that wash over me
My tears run down my cheeks, like razor blades in my heart
I thought I was invincible once, now I know I'm not
I'm vulnerable, it seems impossible I ever felt I was strong enough
And I'm the one to blame, I cry, shaken by this pain
I just want to crawl inside my bed and throw away this life I had
Nothing ever seems to change, nothing takes this pain away from me
I'm broken, empty, abandoned, why am I so alone?
I'm half alive, but half dead, I could go either way
I don't know how I became like this, it's getting harder to breathe
I should have known it wasn't real before, I believed all the lies called promises
I'm trying so hard not to give into the void, the abyss that calls my name
I would give my whole life for a moment of peace, just five minutes of love
I used to know how to live, now I can't remember what came before
All these lies have torn me apart, I can't believe anything that seems like hope
The ghosts from my past, their voices still haunt me, I can't forget
All their words still taunt me, everything they said about me imbedded in my head
I want to run and hide from this cold I feel inside
I don't know what to do, I can't believe in a love that's true
Maybe I'm just jaded and can't distinguish after all I've been through
They broke me down, messed me up, toyed with my mind, left me here to die
I don't know where I stand, if I'm even standing at all.
All these memories confound me, I don't know how to cope
So here I am, alone again, in this night under these stars
Light me on fire and let me burn until I'm gone, anything to get over this.

end to another maybe love

I feel like I am made of glass. And at any moment, all my pieces could shatter and break. It's always easier to blame other people isn't it? It would be easy to say that he did this to me, that he became such a part of my soul, that his departure from my life sent me spiraling out of control. And maybe to an extent that's true. There's no doubt that I gave my heart to a boy who ran so far away with it that I'm not sure it will ever really come back. But to put all that blame on him would be naive, and I would never want to flatter him in that way. The truth is, I was broken before he came barreling into my life. And now that he's gone, I'm just one step closer to shattering. My problem isn't making someone else fall in love with me, it's falling in love with myself. I've struggled for years to be happy with who I am, and I made the mistake of letting someone else try to make me happy, make me more alive. But how can I fault someone for falling out of love with me, when I have never even loved myself?