Brother & Sister Love

Lily and Jax

Christmas Season 2011

~*~*~

Best friends forever. 

Busy, hectic, frustratingly perfect moments in life

Today, I had the FRG bakesale. It went really well. We raised more than half the money that we had in our FRG account. Which was great considering it was dead. At one point, I saw a few Air Force Captains and called them over. I have always been one of the more outgoing people I know and I yelled "Air Force" accross the PX and they looked over and I waved them over. "You should support an Air Force brat," I told them, "To prove that Air Force is just as cool as the Army." After donating some money for only two cookies, they waved and smiled, told me that they were glad to support 'family' and left. After that I taunted soldiers with that fact. "A Few AF guys donated, don't let them outdo you." One guy told me "I hate the AF" and donated a dollar more than they did. Another guy told me he was just as cool and donated a ten. It was pretty awesome. I think everyone was a tad shocked by my tactics of using an old age rivalry and my family connections to the branches to help, but it worked and they were impressed by the end, especially considering that we only sold half of the baked goods. I ended up taking the rest home to hold until our Christmas party on Wednesday.

After that I went Christmas shopping for Steve. I got him a book about the best NFL moments of all time, a nice blue shirt (he usually only wears those), Tim McGraw cologne, Hickory Farm sausage and some belgian chocolate. There are only a few things left on my list. After I got his presents, I ran into Casie, the FRG leader and her husband, Joesph and told them what I got him and what I was planning still, which is a retro throw back Walter Payton Jersey from 1986 Chicago Bears. Even Joesph was impressed and gave me his approval. I had to laugh and joked that it was to make up for beating my husband at home. Steve will be so surprised. He has a few Jerseys already and needs this one because it's awesome.

Oh, yea, last night, I finally dyed my hair back to dark brown. It's been so long since I had my natural hair color and it looks exactly what I remember my natural color being. With it's length and darkness, it suits me well. Someone actually gave me a compliment I never expected. They said I looked like "that chick off the Vampire Diaries." They are referring to Nina Dobrev, and I don't see it but I'll take it. It's a beautiful compliment considering she's gorgeous!

Anyways, Today was good. I was busy and stressed for some of it, frustrated a few times, but it was filled with perfect moments like cuddling on the couch with my husband while our kids climbed on top of us and giggled, like him staring at me while I blow dried my hair naked (because my theory is why get dressed if my shirt will wind up soaked, so I blow dry it then get dressed), like the moment he took the kids into the PX to get my Christmas present (well, stocking stuffer), which I already guessed (first try, he sucks at keeping secrets for me, which is awesome), like when he took the kids to the parade so I could shop, like cuddling on the couch after eating french dips together.

It was a really great day. And I'm glad to know my life is what it is. Busy, hectic, frustrating at times, filled with perfect moments with the love of my life and my beautiful babies.

Love,
For now & forever,
Leah

Scatter-brained

I have a hard time over the holidays. Most of my Christmases have been letdowns, but this year, I'm hoping the streak ends. The last good Christmas I had was 2003, when my Dad was home and got me my guitar (which I have back but needs strings) and before all the bad stuff happened. I spent so many Christmases wishing for a good one. Last year, my husband was deployed and we weren't married. So many questions were in the air. I was waiting for R&R to truly celebrate and that didn't happen for over a month after. I was waiting for answers to the questions I had, which I now have.

Our house is decorated, stockings are up, tree is decorated, presents for the kids underneath, a present for each of us underneath. I have to start my shopping for Steve soon, probably later, after I make the cookies for tomorrow's FRG bakesale, and there is so much I have to get done. I have to bake the cookies, make a dessert for our Company Christmas party, plan a dinner for Sunday for an old OCS friend of Steve's who is about to deploy to Afghanistan (his wife is also a Captain and already deployed so he hasn't had any home cooked meals in a while), and alot of other things. 

The Unit is almost back from the Field. They come home tonight, just in time for all the stuff tomorrow. Tomorrow morning, Steve is taking the kids to Lowes to work on a "Father-kids" project followed by our Bakesale and then a parade. Sunday is probably when I'll be having the dinner for Steve's friend. It'll be a good weekend, if not a very busy one. 

It's not the only thing either. Lily's birthday is pretty soon and I have to plan her birthday before Christmas so I can have the time after Christmas to get it together. We're going to have a party for her. I have also been working on a blanket for Lily and am hoping to get it done by her Birthday, which is just a month away. I also got a beautiful "L" necklace for her fifth birthday. She deserves her first piece of jewelry and it will be a big occasion for my little girl. It's exciting. My baby will be 5 soon. 

We also might have a couple's retreat at the end of January to go to. :) The Army has things like that all the time. I hope so, I can't wait for it. A weekend alone with my husband, the kids at home safe, us in Houston (that's where it is) and an amazing time. I can't wait for us to have time together. It's either we go to that, (which would be free), or we go to New Orleans for Valentine's Day. I'm good with either. 

Anyways, I'm hoping to get alot done today... and I'm sure this was extremely scatter brained. 

Love, 

For now and forever,

Leah

T'was the Night Before Christmas... Santa meets a Soldier

Twas the night before Christmas, and he lived in a crowd, In a 40 man tent, with warriors so loud. I had come into the tent with presents to give, And to see just who in this rack did live. I looked all about, and a strange sight I did see, No tinsel, no presents, not even a tree. No stockings were hung, just boots close at hand, On the locker hung pictures of far distant lands. He had medals and ...badges and awards of all kind, And a sobering thought came into my mind. For this place was different, it was so dark and dreary, I had found the home of a Soldier, this I could see clearly. The Soldier lay sleeping, silent and alone, Curled up in his rack, dreaming of home. The face was so gentle, the barracks in such good order, But not how I pictured a United States Soldier. Was this the hero whom I saw on TV? Defending his country so we all could be free? I realized the families that I've seen this night, Owed their lives to these Soldiers who were willing to fight. Soon round the world, the children would play, And grownups would celebrate a new Christmas Day. They all enjoyed freedom each month of the year, Because of the Soldiers, like the one lying here. I couldn't help but wonder how many lay alone, On a cold Christmas Eve, in a land far from home. The very thought brought a tear to my eye, I dropped to my knees and started to cry. The soldier awakened and I heard a rough voice, "Santa, don't cry, for this life is my choice." "Defend my country this day, the peace do I keep." The soldier then rolled over and drifted to sleep, I couldn't control it, I continued to weep. I kept watch for hours so silent, so still, And we both shivered from the night's cold chill. I didn't want to leave on that cold, dark night, This guardian of honor so willing to fight. Then the Soldier rolled over and with a voice soft and pure, Whispered, "Carry on Santa, it's Christmas ... All is Secure"

Life

I realized this morning, after pulling myself out of bed, that I hadn't written a blog in a while. Between all that has been happening, the dental surgery and all that, I really hadn't had time or energy to put in. Not that I have much energy now, but I thought I'd better start writing again before the lapse grows too much.

The surgery went well and while the pain lasted more than I expected, I am fully healed and happy with the results. I am happy that it's done with.

There are so many Army things going on this month. Right now, Hubby is the Rear D on a Field Training Exercise. I don't know too many details but I am glad it's only field problems. Rear D, for those who don't know, means he is at Post while the others are in the field.  This weekend is the FRG bakesale, not something I'm looking forward to, but I am the Hospitality chair, so the FRG leader, Casie, and myself, plus our kids and husbands will be at the PX this Saturday selling homemade cookies and wrapping presents. It's for our FRG fund. Next week are several Christmas events, including a Dozer lighting followed by the Company Christmas party and then on Friday is the Christmas Lunch for the S-3 office, where my husband works.

This Saturday, Steve is taking the kids to make a Coal car at Lowes. He is looking forward to it and has really embraced being a father. It's truly a beautiful thing when he comes home from work to the kids yelling "Daddy, Daddy's home" and demanding hugs. Lily loves to get hugs and give him a kiss and tell him that she missed him, while Jax loves to be picked up and tickled. No one would ever know that Steve wasn't their birth father if they didn't know from direct fact. He is everything to them and he loves them so much.

Last night, we got our Christmas tree and set it up. It's beautiful with white lights and tinsel. We are going to decorate it tomorrow, with the ornaments and all that. I did wrap the kids presents and put them under the tree. So far, there is only one present for Steve under the tree and that's his Christmas Eve gift, which by tradition is an ornament and none for me. But I know my husband is going to get me my camera that I've been asking for. I know because I asked for it and he usually gets me everything I ask for, which is why I limit myself and don't ask for much.

This morning was Mikowasch, or St. Nikolaus day, where St. Nikolaus comes and puts small gifts in children's shoes. My kids loved it. Lily got two small "my little Ponys" and a Little Mermaid Pez thing and some chocolate coins. Jax got two small Monster truck toys, a Thomas the train Pez and also recieved Chocolate coins. It was cute to see their smiling faces and, even though they don't understand the holidays quite yet, they know it's Christmas and that Santa is involved. I just wish they weren't so afraid of the Old Man.

Lunatic is good. She's wild and rambunxious but she's sweet and even the kids are starting to grow very attached. I often see them cuddled together with her at night. Sometimes, she rotates from kid to kid and ignores us all night. It's a really sweet sight. The other day, Lily and I were watching Christmas movies together and Lily held Luna through the entire movie with the kitten purring. Lily felt so special to have Luna's affection. Jax and Luna are different, they play together. One is usually chasing the other and they both seem to find the game fun.

Anyways, that's about all I have to say right now. Life is good, much better than last week.

God Bless our Troops

Love always,
For now and Forever,
Leah

Pain doesn't keep the love away.

So I didn't have the surgery yesterday. The dentist ended up getting rid of the infection for the most part and I have to go in tomorrow to get it done... I'd be nervous if the percs weren't keeping me in a daze right now.

My husband has been great during all this. Going to the store to pick me up smoothies and now, he's gone to get me eggs... I've been craving them like crazy lately... and no, I'm not pregnant. I could prove it if you wanted me to, haha. Actually, it's been a couple long days of sleep and not much else. He did all the laundry and the dishes that I had planned to do yesterday. I really am a lucky wife to have my husband not complain about anything, including taking care of the kids when I am down on my luck. He just keeps giving me love and patience. I swear, I am the luckiest girl ever when it comes to him.

Yesterday, after the dentist, I was in a lot of pain and couldn't keep my bitchiness under control. And he didn't say one word about it. I kept apologizing for my snapping and all he said was "it's ok, I understand." I really have no idea what I did to get so lucky. He just keeps me in this relaxed mood. Especially since the pain comes back in full force sometimes, and I can't help but snap. The kids seem to understand that I am in alot of pain and are even trying to avoid making me mad. I wish they behaved this way all the time. Between my amazing family helping out my relaxation and my pills, I suppose it's not all that bad. I'm just glad that for all this I'll have time to relax. I'm not going to do much and I doubt I'll be going to the FRG meeting Wednesday night. I have a few appointments to cancel over the next few days because while I'm on Percs I really shouldn't drive. I couldn't even focus long enough to drive, which means that I can't get to my appointments while my husband is at work. They are getting ready to go to the field (he's the rear command and won't be going but will be busy organizing the command from post) and he won't have time to do all the errands for me. I wouldn't like him to anyways, it's not fair to him to have me like this in the first place, but somehow, he just doesn't complain. He's my angel. Taking care of me, helping me more than anyone else ever has.... I love him more than anything in the world... I love my family and my life. It's even better when I'm not in pain at all.

Anyways, I'm exhausted, and plan to go back to sleep for a while... I just wanted to update...

Love,
For now and forever,
Leah

Black Friday

So I am sitting outside at 2am, posting my second blog of the night. I can't sleep but I think I might soon. The pain medicine has finally kicked in.

Today, despite it's terrible ending and the horrible pain I was in part of the time, was a really good day. We left our hotel almost first thing and went to Longview where we hit up Target, Kohls and Hobby Lobby. At Target, I managed to get all of our wrapping paper, some bows, tape, Steve's stocking, a shirt that says "Naughty" on the front and "Nice" on the back and some ribbons for Lily's hair. At Kohls, we hit a major jackpot. In addition to getting some new shirts and a beautiful gray coat that I've been wanting for a long time, we managed to get a bunch of Christmas shopping done for the kids. Lily and Jax will be spoiled. I picked up a "First Computer" thing that hooks up to the TV by Leapster and two games for them, two disney dolls for Lily, a really cool Thomas Train thing for Jax, a puzzle for Lily, a chalkboard with alphabet and number magnets for Jax, some ornaments for them and a few other things that have slipped my mind. I also bought some more picture frames and those cute box shelves that hang on the wall. Oh, I also got Lily her first necklace that has an L on it and it's either her Christmas gift or her fifth birthday gift. It's a 100 dollar necklace I got for 20. Yes, I'm impressed too. :P At Hobby Lobby, we also indulged a bit. In addition to getting the yarn I needed for a couple blankets I'm knitting, we picked up a few cute signs (an Uncle Sam Army one and one that says "Do the kindest things in the kindest way.") a couple small chests with flags on them for Steve's ribbons and coins, a mail sorter that hangs on the wall, an "L" for Lily's room, and a few other things. All in all, it was a pretty great shopping day. 

We have a few items left on our list for the kids. A Wii, some clothes for both, and I'm debating on getting them some other toys. Truthfully they have a lot and are spoiled but I'm Mommy and I spoil. 

On my list is one big item, and it's pretty much all I want. A nice digital camera that I can take tons of pictures with. I don't want to do photography for extra money but it would be cool to submit some photos to art shows. I've been told I have an amazing eye. 

On Steve's list, I have to find him a new wallet and a tool box for all his smaller tools. He's constantly misplacing one or the other because he has so many. We ended up putting all his saws and sanders and other things in a tough box just to organize better, but he needs a small toolbox for his hammers, nails, screwdrivers, etc. Then our christmas will be magical! 

He really is the most amazing husband ever. I am constantly wishing I could do more for him, but he's already insisted that I don't. Today, we bonded more over lunch and shopping and even though I snapped at him a few times, he said he understood it. I was in pain (still am) and it was too hard to control my emotions, like I normally do. I just wish I didn't have so much I have to get done, but I do and I doubt I'll be going to do anything for a few days. It's so frustrating foreseeing a future where you know you can't really be of help and you are reliant on someone else, even someone as wonderful as Steve, to do it for you.

I do have to say this though, I hope I never lose him. We can't imagine a divorce (although, this early on, if we could, it'd be terrible!!!) and my fears with the Army will always be there, no matter how much or little the chances of something tragic happening are. He's my world, my hero, my everything. He holds my heart and my future in his loving hands and I can't imagine life without him in it. 

I love you, my sweet husband. I love our little family that will grow with love. I love our future, as open and uncertain as it is, because as long as you are in it, we are going to be fine. 

Love, 

For now and forever,

Leah

mixed review

Well, this past week was... eventful, to say the least. I am welcoming a new life while still dealing with my old one.

Thanksgiving was nice. I really like Dawn best of all Steve's sisters, and being there are five of them, I definitely have a variety to choose from. She is a great cook. Her boyfriend Kenny and his father and uncle are all very nice too. I would go into more detail but I'm currently on Percosets and my mind can't think too well at the moment.

We got back from Texas today around 5:30 and all day I'd been in severe pain. As it turns out, after going to the ER, my back tooth and wisdom tooth are clashing together to cause one to break and spread an infection. It's incredibly painful and I am scheduled to see a dentist in the morning to get them removed. I'm also on Penicillin to control the infection (basically to keep it from spreading) and Percoset to dull the pain. And I say dull because after taking two, (one at 11, the next at 12) I am still in pain and it's 1:38am. I have been struggling all day with the pain and I finally gave up and called BJACH (our Army Hospital). They told me to come in. When I went in, after waiting over an hour and a half, I finally walked out with my referral and pain medicine. My appointment is first thing in the morning and I'm nervous but I'm sure it will be fine. Steve says he's been there and they've always done an amazing job. Thank God. I'm so glad that I finally have my health insurance back, I have been avoiding going to a doctor and dealing with my pain for so long that giving into it and letting myself appear vulnerable made me feel overwhelming relief.

I'm not sure how active I will be over the next few days. I already let the girls on RBL know because I feel a strong responsibility to be there for them when they  need me and I've already neglected them yesterday and most of today.

I am fighting with Darrell again. Well, not so much fighting as telling him what I need him to do to have him refuse to do it. So there only leaves one thing I can do, which is go to a lawyer and find out how they can help me. Lucky, we're Army and the Army likes to give free Legal Assistance. :) Yay for that. Less stress.

It seems the Army has done alot more for me in two weeks than my entire four years living as a civilian. I hated that time in my life. It's filled with half-regrets and the only good outcomes were my children being with me, being raised by myself and my husband and now life is moving forward. My prayers are being answered. It's such a welcome relief and the fact that my husband has played my hero today and will do so again tomorrow just makes me feel so much better. I have a wonderful man who is everything I ever dreamed of. How lucky can one girl be?

Apparently very.

Love,
For Now & Forever,
Leah

Thanks is more than giving.

Today I went to the doctors and spent over two and a half hours there for what seemed to be a half hour appointment when I booked it. I was there about my back. In Dec of 08, I had hyper-extended The right half of my back, including dislocation of my shoulder. Today was the first time I was taken for xrays. I had to get a shot of steroids in my butt prior to this and then go so I was in pain from the shot hitting a nerve. I ended up having around 15 xrays taken from my lower back to my neck. That will tell them where all damage was and still might be. I did get a couple pain relievers until my next visit which is great. The only problem is they do more to make me tired than to relieve pain. I am just glad something will be done. Already the army has stepped up when the civilian doctors did nothing at all.

Tomorrow is thanksgiving and we are going to Texas to visit Steve's sister. We are leaving later today and driving over where we booked a hotel and then will spend the holiday with her. We are not overly excited but I am told it will be a good time. I sincerely hope so because to be honest I am not looking forward to it.

The things I am thankful for are huge. I am thankful my husband came home from Afghanistan, that we were both engaged and married this year, that my children were given an amazing father and so many more things that my tired mind thinks of but can't give justice to, such as my health, his health, our children's health, our family's happiness, our amazing friends and family, both chosen and blessed with. We are very lucky. I am lucky.

Love always,
For now & forever,
Leah

Sent from my HTC Inspire™ 4G on AT&T

Life is good

I have a really bad cold or something. Over the past week, my house has been filled with coughing and sneezing. This weekend, we got alot less done than we had planned to. I do know that my husband and I are incredibly happy together, even though both of us are stressed.

On Friday, Steve got his tough boxes back. In one were his Military gear, and a few presents for me in addition to a bunch of letters from family members. In the second were his DVD cases and sadly, only a few of my letters to him. It seems most of them went missing. Now either the customs agent stole them or someone else did. It really breaks my heart because I wrote almost 200 letters and have less than 40 left. My presents were two beautiful Marble boxes (small and well designed with an Afghanistan map) One had an American Flag along with an Afghani flag. The other had a Canadian Flag with an Afghani Flag. He told me it was for his little dualee. :) He also brought me home a Coach bag that is super beautiful. I am using it now.

Saturday, I spent alot of time organizing the livingroom. I packed up two boxes of my books, sad thing is, that I have alot more books to pack when it comes time. I also set my stereo back up and played some of Michael Buble's new Christmas album. I had Steve put the tough boxes in the laundry room and he filled one up with his military gear, another with his tools. Between getting the laundry room organized and getting the tough boxes out of my livingroom, alot got done.

Yesterday, was a lazy day. Steve let me sleep in til I wanted to get up. He took the kids to church in the morning. Then when he got home, we didn't really do much. Football and relaxation. It was a good Sunday even though we missed out on the projects we planned to do. I did get the opportunity to see my little girl curled up sleeping next to my husband on the couch and I couldn't help but feel like my world is complete.

Today, it's six-thirty in the morning, and I am looking at my afternoon with apprehension. The kids have a doctors appointment from 1330 til about 1500. Then a playgroup and alot to get done around here. I have to pack for Texas, just a few day trip over Thanksgiving, and hopefully, get more done like I plan.

The trouble is being sick. Lily says her chest hurts, which makes me glad we have a doctor appointment for her. Jax and I are having trouble with our ears and coughing. I think our ears are the biggest irritation to us both. I'm glad they have appointments today and I have one tomorrow. I definitely need something just as much as they do. Steve is the only one who seems to have the antibodies available to fight his sickness, even though he's still slightly sick.

Anyways, life is good, even with the few minimal complaints I have.
I love my husband, my kids, my kitten and my life.

Love,
For now and Forever,
Leah

Week 1 of Marriage done

I don't really have time for a long blog, but I do have time to write a little about how this past week has gone.

Monday ~ I got my ID card back, my Tricare benefits back and filed alot of the basic paperwork.

Tuesday ~ Finished filing paperwork for the army. Made doctor appointments for the kids and I. Went to CYS (Child and Youth Services) to pick up the paperwork to get the kids enrolled in Daycare/School.Went to the commissary and then the playground with the kids.

Wednesday ~ I went to the ACS office (Army Community Service) to find out information about the kids.   Went to the Change of Command Ceremony for the 46th Engineer Battalion with the kids and sat with the Majors and above. It was a good ceremony, very well done and made me proud to be an Army wife. After that the meet and greet with the new Battalion Commander and his family. I enjoyed talking to his wife and his father. Lily made a new friend with his daughter. After that, we had a playgroup with the kids.

Thursday ~ I spent the day resting and hanging around the house. Then Went to the midnight premiere of Breaking Dawn with Becca, Kelly, and Catie. It was a pretty decent movie, considering I was never much of a fan.

Friday ~ Another day of doing stuff around the house before an FRG meeting which didn't go as planned...

Today is just a normal Saturday. Steve and I aren't feeling well and neither are the kids but hey, at least we're sick this weekend and not last weekend!

Anyways, I have to go. I love my Husband, my kids, my kitten, my life.

Love,
For now and Forever,

Leah

more wedding pictures

Our first kiss

Happily Married

My Husband... I love saying that. My husband. He is amazing. Over the past few days, we've been busy. Cleaning up after the wedding, getting our lives back to normal, getting me and the kids enrolled in DEERS and Tricare paperwork, getting my ID back... Overall, it's been pretty good.

The wedding was amazing itself. The ceremony was beautiful and consisted of my four bridesmaids (Becca, Ashley, Angie and Catie) and his four groomsmen (David, Austin, Pody and Hobo) as well as our guests and our awesome Chaplain. His mother and his eldest sister came out for the event. Pody graciously walked down the aisle with me and gave me away in "honor of" my father and they saluted my father's flag. Truly tear-worthy. After that, we lit our unity candle, made declarations and said our vows and then exchanged our rings, before the Chaplain said those amazing words "You may now kiss the bride" and then introduced us for the first time as "Mr and Mrs." It was a wonderful moment in our lives.

The reception was fun and the pictures were amazing. After the reception we went out to the Paradise and had another first dance as a married couple and got wickedly drunk. It was alot of fun. Our friend Palmer watched the kids over night and let us have our first night alone as a married couple. It was great. The next morning, we went out to breakfast, picked the kids out and spent a couple hours over at Becca and Pody's. Overall, pretty great.

Sunday was cleaning and football day. We watched more football than we cleaned but Hobo came by after dinner and we talked for a while. I love having such a good friend here.

Today we went and dropped off our Marriage License, followed by updating our Car insurance and then the Social Security office where I officially changed my last name. Then off to In and Out processing for my new ID card and enrollment in DEERS aka Tricare. When that was done, the lady smiled and said "welcome back" after having seen that I was a brat before. I laughed. Then the Finance office where we picked up the paperwork Steve's commanding officer has to sign in order to get our policy changed and such. Then we went by the PX where I bought a book with my new ID Card just to use my privileges again. Yes I'm corny like that.

Tonight, we watched TV and chilled together before having "cuddles" for the ?? time since we got married. Overall, life is amazing and I couldn't be happier or more blessed. I love my Husband and am so lucky he chose to marry me.

Oh Saturday was the first time he said "our son" and "our daughter" I just about cried.

For now and Forever,
Mrs. R.

My wedding

 Captain & Mrs. R********* 

So I am getting married today.

 In less than 4 hours. I am nervous and excited!!! I dont have time for a long blog but I promise all of my life to my soldier!!!! XOXO

Sent from my HTC Inspire™ 4G on AT&T

Daddy, I miss you

Daddy,

I miss you. So much. And I wonder what you would say to me. I'm getting married on Friday, which is just three days from now, really... and without you, I only have your flag to hold and a picture of you to look at... it's not the same... I can't hear your voice in my head anymore, I can't hear what you would say to me. It breaks my heart that I won't get one of your speeches, especially the one day I want it the most... I love you and I need you, but you're not here anymore. All I have is that flag and picture... all I have is memories... Why didn't you tell me the things I wonder about? Why didn't you answer the million questions I have for you when you could? I need those answers and there is no one to ask. You are gone and I can't help but wonder. I cried tonight, thinking about the wedding day, without you to give me away, without you to tell me whatever you are supposed to tell me... Without a picture of us together, all I have is your flag... I will take it with me that day, I will have you next to my heart with your coin and the only way you will walk me down the aisle is because of my tattoo in honor of you. It hurts that I can't have you there... but I know you will be there in spirit. I know you will be in my heart and watching over me. I love you, Daddy. And I miss you. With all my heart....

Always,
your daughter,
Leah

Autism Genetic Link

FRIDAY, Nov. 4 (HealthDay News) -- A gene variation associated with an increased risk of autism in boys has been identified by scientists.

Boys are three to four times more likely than girls to be affected by autism.

In this study, U.S. researchers analyzed genomic data from more than 3,000 children with autism and their family members, as well as children without autism.

The results showed a link between a variation in the gene for transducin beta-like 1X-linked (TBL1X) and an increased risk of autism spectrum disorders (ASD) in boys. TBL1X is part of the Wnt-signaling pathway involved in the system that controls embryonic neurological development and the maintenance of brain function in adults.

The study is published in the Nov. 3 online edition of the journal Molecular Autism.

"The [variation] in TBL1X is associated with an increase in risk for ASD of about 15 percent. This could reflect either an unidentified rare mutation (or mutations), which has large impact, or a more common change with a more subtle effect, on the development of ASD," study leader Eden Martin, of the Hussman Institute for Human Genomics at the University of Miami Miller School of Medicine, said in a journal news release.

"Further study of TBL1X will help us to pinpoint the DNA changes involved and help us to understand exactly how these changes and the Wnt-signaling pathway is involved in ASD," Martin added.

Autism affects about one in 110 children and can cause problems in language, communication and understanding other people's emotional cues.

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I thought this was interesting considering Steve's nephew is autistic as well as my ex's nephew. I am lucky that both my children are fine. I don't know how raising an autistic child would be like. I know that both nephews annoy me, more my ex's because his mother refused to punish him, although I know there is a time and place for punishment, even with autistic children. I used to go insane because this kid would be loud and rude and straight up undisciplined. I don't really know my soon-to-be nephew that well, but he is at least disciplined, if slightly on the annoying edge. He asks Steve three questions whenever they see each other, the same three. "How tall are you?" "What's your shoe size?" and "What kind of truck do you drive?" although the first two answers have never changed and the last has only changed once. I find it amusing and luckily I can understand so when he questioned me I was able to step back and realize he wasn't trying to be annoying. And at the very least, he was respectful to me.

Finding a genetic link to autism means that there may be  a way to prevent it. There is probably no cure for it once it starts but prevention, especially for families that have multiple generations of autistic children, would be a great step. I hope that they learn more soon, so they can help with families that are afraid to have children for fear their child will have the same disorder. 

My Veteran's Day Tribute

four days left

I get married on Friday. Just four short days away. I can hardly believe how quickly this month has flown by and yet, why should I be surprised? A year seemed to drag but when what I wanted was close by and I had to prepare, it flew.

I asked Steve if he was scared and he said no. He said there was nothing to be afraid of. I think I rely on his confidence and faith in us almost as much as I rely on my own thoughts. He is my everything and I think sometimes I get so scared he'll back away.

He's my best friend and the one man I want the world with. We are dorks together, we are lovers, we are great parents and great partners. When it comes to who I trust above all else, it's him. He makes me believe that I'll never be alone, I'll never have to worry. That through the years, all of our dreams will come true and I believe him.

It's just my fears come from "ghosts" in my past. Guys who didn't treat me well, guys who lied, cheated, broke my heart, hurt me, pushed me away and made me feel insignificant. The fact that I now have someone totally the opposite scares me more than having an idiot like that. Because Steve matters more, because he could hurt me more than anyone. The fact that he doesn't want to, the fact that he loves me, the fact that we are getting married... it all makes me feel.. safe.

So I sit here, next to my love as he sleeps and I think... four days... four days until I am his wife. <3

And I can't wait.

Dedicated to my sisters and my husband

In my blood is the blood of heroes, the ones who served before.

In my heart is the strength of warriors, the ones who fought before.

On this earth is the blood of my blood, it was spilled for you and for me.

In a grave lays a man I loved, he sacrificed for all.

In my hand I hold the hand, of another faithful hero,

one who would go and fight, one who would gladly sacrifice, 

if it meant our children would still be free.

By my side are my sisters, the ones who wait with me.

In my ears, rings our anthem and the pledge that we all know.

In the mirror I see, the generations that came before, 

the men who bravely served and the women who stood beside them.

In my children I see the hope of a future without war,

I pray for them to stand tall and stand strong, 

for their life isn't easy, it's the one I lived before.

Now as we gather together, a family united despite the wars,

I pray that we will remain ever committed and ever united,

even as he puts on his uniform and heads for our door.

My father watches from Heaven's Gates, where all Heroes wait,

and I know my prayers must reach him first, before God can answer,

I pray my father fights with him, if only in spirit, if only in mind,

I pray that God gives me the strength to make it through this life,

A life that was mine, first by accident of fate, then choice and faith.

In my blood is the blood of heroes, so I shall be firm.

In my heart is the strength of warriors, so I shall never fall.

On this earth is the blood of my blood, and it is the last that will be spilled.

In a Grave lays a man I loved, but now he walks with God.

In my hand I hold the hand, of the one I hold dear.

By my side are my sisters, we fight the same fight too.

In my ears, our prayers echo each others, to keep our Country free.

In the mirror I see my past written on my face, the strength I have in me.

In my children, I see a future generation of those who stand tall and strong.

My sisters are different from yours, our bond a different one

Some share my story, others are just beginning theirs,

yet we are all the same, our husbands fight this war.

we are the ones who wait, the brats now grown into wives,

the girls from scattered places, civilians now turned..

We are the hidden strength, we are the secret weapon,

that our enemies do not see, yet we fight a fight more powerful

it's our prayers and our tears that keep this fight alive.