So why is this bothering me tonight? Well, it shouldn't really but my husband spoke to his mother last week and it's been in my head. Let me point this out: She never calls me, never asks to speak to me when my husband calls her, never thanks me for what I clearly do for her (like I'm the one who sent her the Anniversary card for her and my father-in-law's 43rd). She acts like she's morally superior to me, even though I'm catholic and believe that I'm on the right path to Heaven for me. (I don't care what you believe, because I believe there are many paths to Heaven and I'm on mine, you are on yours.) And worse yet, she thinks the Bible explains everything. Well, this is the Military and the Bible doesn't cover it, not really. We don't have answers to the problems we face, the scriptures don't hold the keys to every possible situation. It bothers me alot that she thinks I should only find answers in a Book written 2000 years ago.
I do like the Bible. I love the stories inside and I think it's a wonderful book full of stories that teach lessons, but I don't think it covers all the choices life gives. I don't think we could possibly have all the answers for everything.
My in-laws not liking me hurts alot, considering I have no parents anymore. I have friend's parents who love me, who treat me like a member of their family. I have aunts that treat me like a daughter and I have ex-boyfriend's parents that still call me to chat from time to time. So the fact that my own mother-in-law doesn't like me and decides that judging me is better than getting to know me for me, hurts like hell. It's the reason we won't visit over holidays, over Sundays, for too long. The fact is that my husband isn't who they think he is either and he would rather not see me hurt by them. It does hurt too. I'm not the kind of person who gets hurt so easily but I wished for a set of in-laws that would take me under their wing as a daughter, instead I got in-laws who treat me like I'm damaged and cursed.
How am I supposed to deal with that? I send them cards randomly, I send them books that I think they'd enjoy (like Bible Trivia) and I try to keep them updated with pictures of their son and many other things, but do they ever acknowledge a single thing I do? No. Do they ever thank me? No, they thank their son, who if he had to remember the dates for important things, wouldn't. I remind him of Birthdays and Anniversaries. I remind him how old they are, how many years they've been married. And I just married into the family. I am the one who puts forth all the effort only to be judged for things that shouldn't matter.
Your beliefs don't make you a better person, your behavior does. And if we judge them on that, they are totally failing.
Anyways, that's my rant for the day... I'm sad about it and it makes me miss my Dad even more. He was my hero and my white knight. I never thought I'd be so alone and I never thought I'd need his advice on how to deal with in-laws that don't like you, but I do... and I don't know what to do about it.
My in laws dont like me either. I have done nothing wrong and have no idea, they wont give me an answer. They constantly push me out of "family" things, dont include me, dont talk to me... want nothing to do with me. To each their own though right? You are like me, you're the bigger person and keep trying, which is good... but you can only try for so long. Its unfortunate that we cant choose the families we are born into but with that being said, at least we are able to choose who we create a new family with <3
ReplyDelete:) Yup. That's exactly it and they can never blame our lack of a relationship on me as long as I try. :) I'm glad you understand. <3 plus the military offers so much family, we really are a brother and sisterhood. It's an amazing feeling knowing that a perfect stranger can understand you better than someone who is supposed to be "family" by blood or by law. :)
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