Happy Halloween

Happy Halloween!!!!!

Notre Dame Cheerleader and Dinosaur :) 

Rant

As much as I love Steve, I am glad we will never live near his family. The fact is they are very conservative baptist and think I am the wrong type of christian. I'm catholic!! I was raised with faith, have the same bible they have, we just practice differently. I find it to be a little disgusting and quite closed minded to assume you are going to heaven while other people are going to hell. No one knows where they stand with God until they die.

And it bothers me how much they judge. I try so hard not to judge others. I don't assume one way or another if someone is living their life the best they can, if they will go to heaven. That's not my place. I also don't assume they are the wrong religion, no matter what their religion is. It's vain to assume you know better than anyone else. You take what you know, you live the best you can, you lead by example and never assume you know all the answers, because no one can know all the answers.

And I'm mad. Mad at his family for acting like Steve has suddenly changed. As long as I've known him, he's always said that his family wouldn't understand his own beliefs so he just doesn't tell them. He said they wouldn't like me because I'm tattooed, catholic and a single mom. It doesn't matter that I don't attempt to control him. It doesn't matter that I don't tell him to do this or that, or ask him to change his faith or do things that are against his nature. I don't even assume that I know him absolutely. But I know he's a good, kind, decent, honorable man. I know he has faith, that he wants to go to Heaven, that he believes in much of the same things I do. But according to his mother, he's just changed. He hasn't but apparently, she doesn't know anything about him anymore. Or she'd never assume that, either.

And I'm not lost. I know where I stand on God and my faith. Just because it doesn't match theirs doesn't mean I'm lost. Or that I think I will go to hell. A few years ago, they would have been right. But not anymore. Not since I found my way after my father's death. It took a while but I have my faith back. And I'm not changing for them. Especially people that don't get me. Steve hasn't asked and nor would he. We agree on faith. We agree on most things in that area. Just because we have different labels means nothing to us.

So the reason this rant is unfolding is because they excluded me from the Christmas Exchange. Instead of including me, since we'll be married by then, which they know, they left me out. My feelings are this "that's messed up" and "fine, i'll just be the auntie who spoils the nieces and nephews. screw it, I don't want to be included this year or any other year." It stings but at the same time, it just makes me feel better to be excluded. I honestly don't want to be apart of such a hypocritical family. They wouldn't consider me a factor in Steve's life before we were engaged and married, so screw it. Now that I am, they choose to ignore me. Whatever.

I'm really not interested in dealing with them. They don't know Steve at all. They are truly very small minded and they don't even consider the fact that they may be wrong. It's disappointing. I was honestly hoping for in-laws that would at least take the time to know me but LABELS mean they won't. Well, whether they like it or not, I'm about to be Steve's wife and that means they'll have to deal with me as much as I have to deal with them. And honestly, I don't care if they like me.


Confused again by Civilians...

Birthday dinner

Tonight, I really had the happiest birthday I've had in years. It's still 3 days to go but Becca and Pody hosted a joint birthday dinner for Catie and me. It was great. Becca made steaks just for the birthday girls but tons of other great food too. We had a fire pit going and then the birthday cake.... She made us both Penis cakes. And everyone sang to us, Token, Palmer, Chewy, Sarah, Pody, Becca, Steve and yes, my kids too (they got cupcakes, not the penis cake and they had no idea about it just so you know). Everyone had a great time and we each got some candles that smell delicious from Becca. She's like the mother hen of the group and we love her dearly. I love her dearly. She's the best!

Catie and I talked and honestly, I really like her. She just turned 22 and is a fellow army wife. Her husband and Steve were deployed together. I really enjoy her company. Last night we sang Kareokee together at the VFW. "Hit me baby one more time" but we sang it as "Give me rogane one more time" to Pody. He's a great guy too, Becca's funny, offbeat husband. 

Anyways, it was a wonderful night, with wonderful people and I can honestly say this is the happiest I have ever been. I am loved, I have great friends, I have a wonderful family. I have an amazing life. 

Mine is the white plate, Catie's is the green plate.

Cutting the tip off.

 Steve had a ball and I ate the tip :) 

Well, lots of love,
For now and Forever,
Leah

My military life

I am blessed to be back in this life that I love. This life that I had almost put in my past forever. I am happy with the life that I am blessed to share with my soon-to-be husband, my children, my friends, my family.

I have really awesome friends. Becca and Pody are holding a dinner tonight for Catie and I. Our birthdays are very soon so they invited us over for a double birthday celebration. They are really awesome friends. We act like a family, a close-knit group that readily accepts a new person as one of their own.

I wish I could explain just how the military family works but there really aren't words. When you go through as much as we do, the friends and family of the servicemen and the servicemen themselves... you bond. You share a certain perspective on life and you share certain qualities. There are things that don't matter to us that matter to civilians and there are certain things that matter to us that a civilian would never even think about, because, let's face the facts, they will never have to endure them.

I was born a brat and lived as one for all of my youth, then I find a Soldier who I could't live without and I realize that my life was training for the next step. Being a brat is different than being a wife, however, being a wife is easier for me because I was a brat. If that makes sense. I know exactly what to expect, how this life works, how bonds are formed, how you can be one place one year and then a completely new place the next, forming the same sort of friendships you had in the previous location. Some people are good at that, some aren't. I consider myself lucky that I am able to find these amazing people, no matter where I am. The only time I have ever struggled was the time I spent in the civilian world, where everyone plays by their own rules, not conforming to a standard that respects the key values. For me, the military life is home. For me, that is where friends truly become family, where you become bonded with these people, like Becca and Pody, who make life seem better. 

I think back to two years ago. I had just found out my father was dead and I was struggling to keep together a relationship that in my heart of hearts I knew wasn't going to work. But now, two years later, I am back home, I have an amazing relationship with the man, who in twelve days will be my husband, and friends who are as close in my heart as family. I know where I stand. It might sound absurd, but the Military offers more than people think. It's not just the hardships we endure that make us stronger, but it's the good times, the fact we celebrate life as much as possible, possibly because life, for us, is more fragile. There is more chance that the hardships could strike again and there is nothing we can do to stop it. So we celebrate... birthdays, weddings, holidays, any day, really. We go out in groups, we take care of each other, we care. In this life, that is all we can do to survive and make a life worth remembering. We try to forget the bad parts and focus on what we have to smile about. That is one of our key strengths. Our ability to survive. 

Anyways, I'm going to go, but I just wanted to say how happy I am that this is my life again. How lucky I am to find my true love in this life. I wasn't living my life before. I am now. 

For now and forever,

Leah

My Birthday Weekend

So far this weekend has been incredibly awesome. Last night, Steve took us to dinner at the Catfish Junction, then today, after I went to the salon to get my hair cut and styled (just a trim, I love the length), he took me to the PX where he bought me my birthday present. A Sony Vaio laptop. I love it!! It's so beautiful and works brilliantly. It's got twice as much RAM and Hard drive storage as my other laptop and has an amazing graphics card. :) I love it. So far I've been transferring stuff and it's been wonderfully fast. Needless to say, I am in love... haha.

Then tonight we went to a Halloween party at the VFW where our friends were hanging out. We dressed up, me as a vixen ;) and Steve went as a local aka Native (Cowboy boots, blue jeans, flannel shirt, hunting hat). Becca and Pody were there. They went as a bridezilla and a beaten groom haha. Austin and Kaitie went as eachother. Shorty went as a big baby. Palmer went as himself. And there were others but honestly, I can't remember everyone's names (sorry!!). I had a few jello shots with the girls and a beer before switching to Mountain Dew. I really don't like getting drunk that often but it was lots of fun. We only left because everyone was going to another bar and my corset was killing my ribcage.

Steve just took our sitter home and I'm transferring more files right now. My sitter is awesome. Lily always asks to hang out with her daily (she doesn't realize that she's being babysat for, just that her friend is coming over to play). She likes my movie collection and my book collection. And she's my go-to sitter. I swear, I wouldn't know what to do without such a reliable girl to turn to when I need to get stuff done.

Anyways, I'm going to get off here and go get ready for bed. I'm exhausted and Lunatic is being spastic.

Much love,
for now and forever,

Leah

Love

I sometimes find that I underestimate Steve. He really makes me happy, relieves my stress. I told him how much I was worried about him changing his mind. His answer: pull me into his arms and tell me that is never going to happen. I am the only woman for him. It made me tear up. I am absolutely in love and so amazingly blessed.

Tonight, he took us all out to dinner to the catfish junction. Let me say their alligator and catfish are amazing!!! During dinner, we talked about our vows and then I asked if I died would he remarry, his response was serious and steady. No, he would not. It took him so long to find me, he couldn't imagine trying to find anyone after me. That I have his heart until he dies. And he then told me that he would want me to but just like him, I can't imagine anyone ever measuring up to the man he is. Right after that, Jax had to go to the bathroom so our sweet moment was interrupted by a three year old boy who has, in reality, become Steve's little man. The two of them spend so much time together sometimes I just stare at the way my son looks at the man I love and know that in his innocent mind, that is his hero. Lily is just as in love with him. She gets sad when he leaves for work, despite my best efforts to make her smile. She gets so excited when he comes home. He always picks her up and hugs her while giving me a kiss and telling me he loves me. Then he grabs Jax and makes him giggle uncontrollably. They will never suffer from missing pieces, they have a wonderful step father. And I have an amazing lover who in 13 days will be my husband. Amazing!!!

Anyways, its late and I want to go cuddle next to my love and Luna the lunatic kitty.

For now and forever,
Leah

Sent from my HTC Inspire™ 4G on AT&T

my dress

One of my bridesmaids (I have three: Ashley, Angie, Becca) Ashley came over with another friend and helped me try on  my dress. It took a while to do up, but man, it's amazing!! I cannot wait to get married, our wedding is going to be amazing.

I just wish I could show you my dress but honestly, I don't trust myself to keep from showing my husband-to-be.  But let me just say, it's the most beautiful dress I could have possibly gotten. I will definitely post pictures after the wedding...

Oh, we also got our first wedding gift today. It came from Steve's OCS friend. I'm not sure what it is, but I can't wait for Steve to get home so we can check it out.

Anyways, I better go. Still so busy...

14 days to go

YAY!!!!

My life now... it's amazing

So I just wrote a blog for my ex's fiance. We had a big blow up between us early last year. It seems strange to me now, considering where my life has gone. I went from struggling every day to being so happy and comfortable and having all my dreams come true. I hate to admit this, but my part in everything that went down was not a small one but I am grateful for how I can look at that past mistake as it is... a past mistake.

I am, however, sad that today is the 2nd anniversary of my father's death. Today brings back memories of the day he died. I think the reason I clung so hard to my ex after our break up was how he was to me that day and the horrible days that followed. I had a broken heart due to my father's death and I couldn't see past the darkness except for the comfort I had to cling to. I miss my father, with all my heart but honestly, my father's death meant my life had to change... and it has. Not only did I find my true love but I found my life's purpose, my  goal in life. I am a wonderful mother, whose kids are growing into kind, respectful, polite and playful kids. They are happy, healthy and now have a man who is so much like my father, it sometimes takes my breath away. I, now, have what I'd always wanted and never dreamed of... a soon-to-be husband who loves me completely, who laughs with me, who holds me while I cry, who wants my life to be more about joy and less about surviving. I am marrying someone above the caliber I thought I could. I am marrying a Captain, I am part of the world I felt most at home with again, I am blessed with a comfortable home, plenty of food in my fridge and freezer, room for my children to grow, a community I understand and appreciate. I am truly happy. Truly in love.

This morning, I broke down and cried. Steve was at PT when I woke up and the day... what today is... hit me. I curled up on the couch and cried. When he came home to change, he sat next to me, pulled me into his arms and just held me while I cried. He only let go when I was ready. He kissed me and told me that my father would be proud of me, and then he whispered that he loved me and couldn't wait until I become his wife. I know how blessed my life has become.

Today also held something joyous. My wedding dress arrived. It's the most beautiful gown I have ever owned and probably will. My wedding will be the most wonderful day of my life, not counting the day I had Lily or the day I had Jax, or the days I have Steve's children, which we have planned to start trying for in a year. It is my joy that I can have a big family, a beautiful wedding, and spend the rest of my life with the man I have always wished for but never believed existed.

So, I am not angry anymore. I have moved forward and I am happy. I am in love, I am a million adjectives to describe perfect joy but words aren't enough. What is enough is the knowledge that my life is worth it, that our lives together are worth it, that my children will always be loved and cared for and  comfortable. They do not want for anything, they are spoiled with more toys than they need, more clothes than they need, and have more love than I ever imagined they would, after all my mistakes. We go to church, we eat meals together as a family, we smile and laugh... we read stories before bed, we play together, we do things as a family.

And most importantly, we will always have that.

---------

Daddy, I miss you still, I always will. You were my first hero and always will be.

Rest in Peace, always loved, forever remembered, endlessly missed.

--------

Steve, I can't wait to become your wife. Only 15 days!!!! I love you, for now and forever!!! xoxox

--------

Crystal, be happy, be in love, have the life you want. I hope you do. :)

-------


Love always,

Leah

To my old enemy

Once I was angry. Yes, I'll admit, I spoke harsh words to you and about you. Wished for your pain, wished for your suffering. And for that, I am sorry. Because I never really saw the joy that I have now coming into my life. When I hated you, I'll admit, it was something more akin to the desire to have what I felt you stole from me. In reality, it was never really mine.

Soon I am getting married to my true love. My real soulmate, Steve. He is wonderful and everything I ever wanted. He is there for me during my greatest joys and comforts me during my greatest sorrows. In fact, I have never known someone as loving as he is to me. He loves my children as much as I do and laughs with me about their cute phases and helps me when I don't know what to do. He supports all my dreams, fights off my nightmares, protects me from those who would hurt me, and loves me with all of his heart. I know that he and I are perfect for each other.

Our wedding is soon, which makes me happy that you have found what I have with my ex, despite how much bitterness once lay between us. I am not angry and I hope you are not either. I forgive you for the things you said, even if you don't feel sorry because to hold onto that anger wouldn't do me any good and would hold me into the past.

As I said before, on your very blog, I am happy for you when you are happy, I am sad for you when darkness strikes. I would hate to see another suffer, especially now that I harbor no ill will towards you. May you have everything you have always dreamed of and more. As I certainly do.

Peace, love, and happiness.

Leah

My engagement ring

I was blessed with the perfect man who gave me the perfect ring and is giving me the perfect life...or as close to it as anything on earth... 

I love you, Stephen

Wedding planning part 2

Have just about everything done... it's such a relief... I can't tell you how stressful planning a wedding in a month is but I can say that it's the best feeling knowing your marrying your soulmate and best friend <3


for now and forever <3 til death do us part

Steve and Leah
November 11th 2011 <3

I love you, Stephen!!!

<3 Leah

Wedding Planning!!!

So Steve and I are planning our wedding... it's in exactly 30 days and so far, I have already found the place for the ceremony, the reception, my dress, the invitations and the ceremony things (ring bearer pillow, flower girl basket, garter belt, unity candle, guestbook/pen set). The invitations are military themed and the ceremony items are digital camo. Very cool looking. And my dress... wow...

The ring is spectacular too. Antique style with diamonds twisting up to the main diamond. 1 full carat. I was so shocked that Steve was willing to pay so much for something like that... seems I found my prince charming, for real.

We have been going to premarital counceling and making sure that we're ready... but our wedding date... is 11/11/11 at 11:11am. :) wonderful day to get married. :) My wedding date.

I love my life with him. The kids love him, we are happy...

Love, Leah