Dedicated to my sisters and my husband

In my blood is the blood of heroes, the ones who served before.

In my heart is the strength of warriors, the ones who fought before.

On this earth is the blood of my blood, it was spilled for you and for me.

In a grave lays a man I loved, he sacrificed for all.

In my hand I hold the hand, of another faithful hero,

one who would go and fight, one who would gladly sacrifice, 

if it meant our children would still be free.

By my side are my sisters, the ones who wait with me.

In my ears, rings our anthem and the pledge that we all know.

In the mirror I see, the generations that came before, 

the men who bravely served and the women who stood beside them.

In my children I see the hope of a future without war,

I pray for them to stand tall and stand strong, 

for their life isn't easy, it's the one I lived before.

Now as we gather together, a family united despite the wars,

I pray that we will remain ever committed and ever united,

even as he puts on his uniform and heads for our door.

My father watches from Heaven's Gates, where all Heroes wait,

and I know my prayers must reach him first, before God can answer,

I pray my father fights with him, if only in spirit, if only in mind,

I pray that God gives me the strength to make it through this life,

A life that was mine, first by accident of fate, then choice and faith.

In my blood is the blood of heroes, so I shall be firm.

In my heart is the strength of warriors, so I shall never fall.

On this earth is the blood of my blood, and it is the last that will be spilled.

In a Grave lays a man I loved, but now he walks with God.

In my hand I hold the hand, of the one I hold dear.

By my side are my sisters, we fight the same fight too.

In my ears, our prayers echo each others, to keep our Country free.

In the mirror I see my past written on my face, the strength I have in me.

In my children, I see a future generation of those who stand tall and strong.

My sisters are different from yours, our bond a different one

Some share my story, others are just beginning theirs,

yet we are all the same, our husbands fight this war.

we are the ones who wait, the brats now grown into wives,

the girls from scattered places, civilians now turned..

We are the hidden strength, we are the secret weapon,

that our enemies do not see, yet we fight a fight more powerful

it's our prayers and our tears that keep this fight alive.

the anthem

I never wore the uniform,
no medals on my chest.
The band it doesnt play for me,
I am not among the Best.
I do not march in cadence,
I do not rate salute,
I stand among the silent ranks,
our devotion absolute.


If you've not worn my shoes, 
You do not know my story
I live a life of sacrifice
my reward a private glory.
I've wept many silent nights away
and I've kept the home fires burning
I've worried and I've waited
as world events were churning.


I've moved more times than you could fathom,
left more people than you've known
I've planted gardens round the world--
very few that I've seen grown.
I've grieved with new-made widows,
and had my share of scares--
when a ship or plane or man was down
and all I had were prayers.


I'm not asking for your sympathy,
although appreciation would be nice,
I did it quite on accident first, 
then purpose came to me,
I chose to sacrifice. 
I'll tell you a secret now
One you'd never guess,
about the one glory that is mine,
it's just enough, no more, no less.


When you and I stand together
as our nation's anthem plays,
In my heart I reminisce
Of how I've spent my days
I know the pain and joys,
I know that freedom isn't free
I know I've paid the price,
when my father sacrificed.
I pray each and every day,
that it's the only price that I must pay.


So as that music plays
remember that anthem plays for me.

The Military Wife

When God Created The Military Wife The Good Lord was creating a model for military wives and was into his sixth day of overtime when an angel appeared. She said, "Lord, you seem to be having a lot of trouble with this one. What’s wrong with the standard model?" The Lord replied, "Have you seen the specs on this order? She has to be completely independent, possess the qualities of both father and mother, be a perfect hostess to 4 or 40 with an hour’s notice, run on black coffee, handle every emergency imaginable without a manual, be able to carry on cheerfully, even if she is pregnant and has the flu, and she must be willing to move to a new location 10 times in 17 years. And oh yes, she must have six pairs of hands." The angel shook her head, "Six pair of hands? No way!" The Lord continued, "Don’t worry, we will make other military wives to help her. And we will give her an unusually strong heart so it can swell with pride in her husband’s achievements, sustain the pain of separations, beat soundly when it is overworked and tired, and be large enough to say "I understand" when she doesn’t and say, ‘I love you’ regardless." "Lord," said the angel, touching his arm gently "Go to bed and get some rest. You can finish this tomorrow". "I can’t stop now", said the Lord "I am so close to creating something unique. Already this model heals herself when she is sick, can put up six unexpected guests for the weekend, wave goodbye to her husband from a depot, pier or runway and understand why it’s important that he leave." The angel circled the model of the military wife, looked at it closely and sighed, "It looks fine, but it’s too soft". "She might look soft", replied the Lord, "but she has the strength of a lion. You would not believe what she can endure." Finally, the angel bent over and ran her finger across the cheek of the Lord’s creation. "There’s a leak", she announced. "Something is wrong with the construction. You are trying to put too much into this model." The Lord appeared offended at the angel’s lack of confidence. "What you see is not a leak", he said, "It’s a tear." "A tear? What is it there for?", asked the angel. The Lord replied, "It’s for joy, sadness, pain, disappointment, loneliness, pride and a dedication to all the values that she and her husband hold dear." "You are a genius!" exclaimed the angel. The Lord looked puzzled and replied, "I didn’t put it there". 

A Military Promise

A Soldier's Promise ...

I cannot promise you every night of my life. I cannot promise to be beside you for every difficult moment, every trial, every hardship. In truth, I can promise you that I will not be with you for most. I will leave you at inconvenient times. I may miss the births of our children. Any special date to us may be tainted with the anniversary of the death of one of my friends. I will ask you to take over whatever life we have built together for months and years at a time. And will then crash back into that life that you have used your sweat and your tears and your heartache to keep together and try to take it back as I knew it before. I will shut you out at times because it will be the best way for me to hold it together at that moment. I will lie to you. I will tell you I don't know things when I do. I will not always tell you where I am going, when I will be back, or who I am with. I may not call you for weeks and months and you will not be able to call me. You will ask questions that I won't answer. You will know answers to questions that you will hope you never need. I will share things with my brothers that you will never understand. They will know things about me that you never will. They will be a support to me in some things that you cannot be. I will miss birthdays. I will miss anniversaries. I will have to get to know our children over and over again. I may need time to process things that seem natural to everyone else. It will seem that someone - or something - will always take precedence over you. You may lose me long before you ever thought possible. I will uproot you and ask you to re-establish our family anywhere in the world, in any season, at any time - over and over again. Sand and mud will be tracked through your halls from the boots I am too tired to take off. I will leave you when you beg me not to. I will stand at attention while you cry beside me. I will not turn my head and I will walk away. I will knowingly break your heart. And I will do it again - and again.

I cannot promise you all of me. I cannot promise that to our children. I cannot promise you much of anything.

But if you will have me, I can promise that as I march away from you it is not without sharing your heartache. I promise you that every time I break your heart I will be breaking mine. Every time that I cannot answer you I will be protecting you. Whenever you want to call and you have no number to dial I will be wanting to do the same. I will protect everything that we have created together with every fiber of my being while you do the same back at home. I will honor you in everything - every moment that we are apart and every moment that I am with you. I will fight harder and push further knowing that I do so for you. I will see the faces of our children in every life that I protect. And I will carry you with me in everything until my sandy boots once again sit just inside our door.

An Army Wife's promise ...

I cannot promise that I will not become frustrated when you leave me and the world seems to fall apart around me. I cannot promise that I will not curse those who sent you when the dryer breaks, and the transmission needs to be replaced, and the dog eats the couch all in the same week - most likely the week after you deploy. I cannot promise that the sand and mud that cakes my floor will not cause me to give you harsh looks and rude thoughts. I cannot promise that my heart will not be torn in twelve different ways when you march away from me. I cannot promise that I will not let my anger show when you refuse to answer questions. I cannot promise to understand why you share things with your comrades that you will not share with me. I cannot promise that there won't be times when my heartache makes its presence known before my pride can mask it. I cannot promise that I will not show my worry and my concern when it is best for you not to see it. I cannot promise to understand why you do so many of the things you do.

But I can promise that for as many tears of sadness and frustration and anger that are shed there will be double that of tears of pride. I can promise you that for every time you are away from me, I will learn to cherish the times that you are with me. In everything I will honor you and honor your sacrifice. I can promise to teach our children to do the same. I will use every moment that you are not with them to show them the amazing man that you are through my actions and my pride. I can promise that there will never be a night where you are not the subject of my final prayer and the keeper of my dreams. I promise to try to be understanding that there are many things I will never understand. I promise to keep you with me in everything and to do my best to keep grace in this life. I will be strong for you as you are strong for me and I will carry you with me in every moment until your sandy boots again sit just inside our door.

I am

I don't know if I'm good or bad, so I'll just say I am. I am an artist. I am a Mother. I am an Army SO. I am a sister. I am a daughter. I am a friend. I am a supporter. I am a dreamer. I am a bookworm. I am a writer. I am a poet. I am a person. I am a Heroine to some, I am an Enemy to others. I am American. I am Canadian. I am Native American. I am Irish. I am Scottish. I am French. I am a Military-Brat-Grown. I am a Jersey Girl. I am a lover and I am a fighter. I am a believer in my own beliefs and a victim to no one else's. I am a Rocker chick with love for Country. I am a Metal Child born to be kind. I am a Redneck Biker with a touch of sophistication. I am the caregiver and sole supporter to two children most of the time. I am the daughter of a Serviceman who died doing his duty honorably and for many years, I am the Love of another who has my heart, my hopes and my dreams all wrapped up in him. I am the former lost girl who found her way. I am brave. I am strong. I am who I am. It's all that I ever was, but not who that I will ever be.

I don't know if I'm good or bad, so I'll just say that I am. I am an artist. I am a Mother. I am an Army SO. I am a person. I am a girl. You decide where I fall.

Dog wanted by Nick Kenny with commentary by me haha

Alright so last summer Steve and I went book shopping after we got tattoos at my favorite artist in all the world Spider in New West, BC. He's awesome. Anyways, we found this book of poetry by Nick Kenny, a former US Navy Sailor and former crew of the USS Arizona that sunk in Pearl Harbor. Anyways, he was an amazing poet and quickly became one of my favorite of all time. Tonight, as I am cleaning my room (insomnia strikes again, so might as well make it useful right? haha), I pick up the book, which is titled Favorite Poems by Nick Kenny, published in 1948 and opened to a random page and this is what it said:::

Dog Wanted

Wanted...a puppy who knows the art

of filling the ache

in a lonely heart!

Wanted...a puppy with a wagging tail

that can cheer you up

when all other things fail!

Wanted...a doggie to light the dark

with two trusting eyes

and a friendly bark!

Wanted...a puppy to calm the fears

Of a gallant lady...

and to be her ears!

Such a lovely poem and so very true. Good night. Sweet dreams world. Perhaps the sleep fairy will visit me, I'd even do with the Sandman, however he's far creepier (says the girl looking at her hanging head on a chain in the corner of her room that she named Marvin). 

PS. I'm wearing my LARMC scrubs shirt. It says "LARMC not for self but for others". It still means alot to me. Anyways I'm really comfy despite my sleep deprivation. Only XX days left.

don't want to lose you

Arms to hold me when I’m sad are all I’ve dreamt about since you left

You’re coming home soon and I don’t know if you know

How much I love you and how much you mean to me…

I’m not sure if I told you, I’m not sure if it’s clear

But I don’t want to lose you that I couldn’t bare.

You are my Hero and I love you so much

I will never be perfect, I will never be amazing on my own

Next to you I shine, next to you I bloom into who I’m meant to be

Without you, I couldn’t get by, without you, I couldn’t survive.

I love you, more than life itself, I don’t want to lose you

In your arms is where I belong, in my heart you’ll always stay

I don’t know what’s going to happen, if it will be hard to find a normal

But I do know that I love you and I want it to be, only you and me.

I don’t want to lose you, I don’t think I could survive.

Love is...

Love is…

Love is waking up before the sun rises just to catch a glimmer of chance that he’ll be online.

Love is smiling about a phone call in place of kisses.

Love is being thrilled by a surprise flower delivery when you can’t spend a holiday together.

Love is being patient because the only man you ever want to be with is deployed half a world away.

Love is smiling about the two sentence email that is telling you that he won’t be online.

Love is living under two different time zones, because whenever he’s awake, is a chance that you might get to talk.

Love is doing something crazy to your hair and having him smile and say “take pictures for me, Babe.”

Love is spending a half hour in the store trying to pick out the best “I miss you” card.

Love is rushing around from place to place as quickly as possible so you don’t miss his call.

Love is going to bed alone every night because you swore to protect his heart.

Love is knowing that every day that passes just brings you closer to seeing him again.

Love is surviving deployment with one thought “only ** months left.”

Love, our Love, Military Love is true, strong and resilient.

If it wasn’t, it wouldn’t live to tell the tale.

He's a Soldier, you see

His bags were packed, in the car waiting

He was to leave me early that day

He had no choice, this is his job

His duty resides so far away

Saying goodbye to the man you love

Heartbreaking when you just don’t know

The next time you’ll see his face

He’s a soldier, you see, he had to go

I know this war isn’t his choice

He’d rather stay but the Army says it’s time

So he will go and miss so much

He has honor and that’s not a crime

He pledged to defend when he took his oath

For love of Country, with God’s good grace

He has gone and taken my heart

To that so very far, distant place

The lack of him, a sad emptiness

In my chest, this lonely ache

I pray to God, every night and day

To bring him home for my sake

He’s a soldier, you see, his duty called

He lives by the values, the creed he knows

A man of Honor, Integrity and Strength

He’s a Soldier, you see, he had to go

The man I love has given his life

To the service of a greater love

This Soldier of mine has placed his faith

In this great land and God above

While he’s gone, I will wait

Protecting his heart, where I belong

He’s my only one, my very own Hero

I’ll be waiting no matter how long

He’s a Soldier, you see, and I’m his girl

Letters and phone calls keep me alive

Trying to live without him here

Until he comes home, learning to survive.

Just pray for him and his brothers

For my sisters and I carry that burden

The sleepless nights, lonely days, endless fears

Of day-to-day and worries of them

Remember them every day,

Never forget they are still there

It’s our Flag they wear, no matter the branch

They are our Heroes but we can share

For now and Forever

my love for you will never end

it runs much deeper than a friend

i long to feel your warm embrace...

and to see a smile upon your face

chorus:

so for now and forever i vow to be true

there's no one i could love like you

so for now and forever and a little bit more

this is the love i've been longing for

v2 a love so strong a love so true

a love i could only have for you

this hear that fought not to be broken

is now to you laid wide open

chorus

my heart was a door with no lock and no key

but like a true warrior you've come to save me

you unlocked the door that hid my love

you are a gift from God above

chorus

so for now and forever, til death do us part

for now and forever you'll always have my heart

God if you're listening please

Dear God, if you're listenin please

This is me, prayin for him

I'm all right so don't worry 'bout me

My Hero's fighting a fight so far away

I worry each passing day

So God if you're listenin please

This is me prayin for him

Protect him and keep him safe

Never let him feel alone

Grant him peace and remind him

He needs to come home to my loving embrace

Days pass slowly but my prayer never changes

Days and nights pass by

but the clock never seems to fly

I keep prayin

I keep waitin

My love wont ever fade

Just like my prayer it won't change

Dear God if you're listenin please

This is me prayin for him

I'm all right so don't worry about me

My Hero's fightin a fight so far away

Not a moment goes by he's not on my mind

Let him feel my love 'cross miles of ocean and land

I pray for his safe return

Give him the hope and comfort you can

Dear God if you're listenin please

this is me prayin for him

I'm beggin if you hear me

Protect him and grant him peace

Keep him safe 'til he returns to me

Days and nights pass by

but the clock never seems to fly

I keep prayin

I keep waitin

My love won't ever fade

Just like my prayer it won't change

God if you're listenin please

Dear God, just listen to me

This is my only prayer

I'm not prayin for me

I'm beggin if you can hear

Protect him and keep him safe

Bring him home to my lovin embrace

Dear God if you're listenin please

see me down hear on my knees

Dear God, if you hear me

This is me prayin for him

Let him feel my love 'cross miles of ocean and land

Remind him I'm waiting, I'll never stop waiting

Keep him safe til he returns to me.

Dear God, I keep prayin

So if you're listenin please

Keep him safe til he's home with me

Remind him I'm waiting, my love's not fading

Dear God if you're listenin please

This is me prayin for him

I'm beggin if you can hear

This is my only prayer