My new life

Well. I'm here. And it's been a while since I blogged but so much has been happening that I've either been too busy or too tired to sit down and post something. We got here almost two and a half weeks ago and tomorrow will have had our house two weeks. I got my stuff on a Friday and by the next Friday (last week) I had unpacked everything and managed to make the new place a home. I am enjoying it here so far, although, let's be honest, most of that has to do with the fact that up until today (and even for most of today) I have had my husband with me.

PCSing is hard because of the stress and the not knowing anyone, so today I held a playdate. I met 5 local wives who brought their kids, mostly girls. My kids had a blast playing with the girls (all the girls were 3 to 5 and the only boy was an eleven month old baby, who I enjoyed holding very much). And I got to meet some pretty awesome ladies. I really hope I can see them again and build a solid group of friends here.

I know alot of people move with the military and end up leaving half their stuff in boxes for weeks, even months, but I can't do that. I literally started unpacking the day my stuff arrived and by the end of the following week, I'd finished everything from unpacking to putting things away the way I like them to hanging up all the pictures and art that I enjoy seeing. I have a need to have my life put back together each time. I've moved so often in my life that having chaos is not something I can handle when enough things are uncertain. The only thing that was lost: my wii. Yep, the movers stole that. Or rather, they claimed they lost it... but I don't believe that.

In other news, I am not pregnant. I found out today that after another month of trying that my hope of having a baby inside me has to wait still. It's so hard wanting something so badly and not being able to have it yet. Steve says he'll go and get checked to see if he's the problem and if it'll help us to do anything different. I just so badly want our baby and I'm ready for our baby... Anyways, it's just another month of trying. I can handle that.

Other than that, the kids are both happy. They have a playroom here and love it. In fact, I'll upload some pictures of our house at the end of this post. It's a really nice house. Also, Beau and Luna are doing good too. Luna is in heat so that's annoying but she's been inside since she got here because I knew it would happen soon.

Anyways, I'm getting ready to put dinner together and relax. Much love.

Concert, Baby turtle and sad good-byes

So I'm not sure if I mentioned this in my past blogs (I've been way too stressed out to remember almost anything these days) but the other night (Friday, March 30th), Steve and I went to go see John Michael Montgomery in concert. It was pretty fantastic and I enjoyed it so much. He played some of his best songs ever: "I swear"/"Life is a dance"/"Be my baby tonight"/"Sold"/"Letters from home" and "Forever" are among the songs he played and my favorites. Of course, he introduced "Letters from home" as a thank you to the Military and I'm almost positive Steve and I were the only active duty military community members so I was proud as hell. After that song, he played "Forever" and I was bawling. It was a good concert though. I got an autographed CD and a green "Letters from home" JMM shirt. :)

Monday when the packers were moving things out, I found a baby turtle. Yep, that's news worthy to me. Because look how small!!!

And tonight... or rather, I guess last night (since it's officially wednesday now), Hobo had dinner with Steve and I (and the kids) and we got to say good-bye for the second time in our lives. The first time was six years ago (or so) and now, we're saying good-bye again since I'm moving and he's staying here. I'm still sad about it. After we left the restaurant, I cried. It was tough to deal with. I think second good-byes are harder than the original ones. I mean, you get lucky to get stationed at the same place as one of your old friends and leaving just sucks. But that's the military life, something I'm far too used to, the sad goodbyes. I'm going to miss him so much. Hobo, if you are reading this, you are such an AMAZING guy. Stay safe, be good and shine as much as you can :) I love you, you crazy Broke-ass Hobo!! Much Love!!!

Anyways, that's all I can really say but tomorrow we go to the cabin and I'm excited for that. :)

Love, Leah

Ash Wednesday and life

I finally managed a good night's sleep last night. I was so glad to sleep that I actually woke up early. My husband had staff-duty last night and I haven't seen him since he had a meeting with Transportation this morning about the PCS move soon. The kids are loud and driving me crazy, laundry is in the washer and dryer, a dent in the backlog I have since my Washer was broken until yesterday (turns out it was a sock stuck in between the actual washer part and the motor, which ended up costing $200 to have them take it apart and remove the sock and put back, outrageous) and it's Ash Wednesday. The time I think about my life, what needs to go, what I have to sacrifice and what will make us, as a family, happier and me, as a woman, more fulfilled. I've decided to give up Cheesecake for lent and to start listing the five things that made me happy throughout the day, every night before I go to sleep. Also, no meat on Fridays, of course and no soda on Sundays. Even though it doesn't sound like much, for me, it will be challenging.

This morning, in addition to doing laundry, I'm catching up on my DV-R, or would, if my Satellite dish was properly placed after redoing the roof. I'll have to have my husband fix it tonight after work. Nothing is recording and I certainly don't want to miss watching my shows for the rest of the week. But I just watched House, one of my all time favorite shows and Monday's episode has left me wondering even what I'm wondering. It was so different for some reason that I can't name and I don't really have an answer for what I'm really thinking.

So the day is full of doing laundry, trying to get the swing of things back before my next surgery (March 5th) in hopes that I can do everything I need to do in the next two weeks because I'll be out of it for another week or so, perhaps longer. It's so stressful, trying to get things done when you aren't absolutely sure what is going to happen. All I do know, is that I'm stressed out. And I haven't really been able to have any time with my husband in the past week and a half. Something I'm hoping to change ASAP.

Anyways, it'll be another long day full of house-wife things to do. But such is life.

Love,
Leah

Moving & Religion

It's 240am local time. I'm stressed out by the amount of projects we have to get done by April 2nd. Yep, I know my date of when the movers will come and pack our stuff out to ship to Fort Lost-in-the-Woods, Missouri. I'm excited and sad at the same time.

I moved to Louisiana almost a year ago, to get away from my past and to welcome my future and to wait on my Soldier. I had been living in NY at this time last year, hating where I was, hating my mother (for many reasons, but for one very important one, she threatened to kill me by holding a shotgun aimed at my face), hating the cold and the snow and the lack of happiness to be found there. I needed to get myself and my children away from her. At the time, Steve was deployed and I was back in my family's town trying to figure out my life. It wasn't my hometown, I was a Military Brat and because of that, I never really had a hometown. (Although, I do call Jersey my home state.) He had come to NY on his R&R from Afghanistan and hated that place as much as I did and told me that he wanted me to move to Louisiana and get away from the bad stuff that kept me so unhappy. So in early March or April (honestly, I forgot exactly when I moved because it doesn't really matter), I moved to Louisiana with the kids to wait for our hero to come home. I met new people and fell in love with this state for what it offered me: Freedom from my family (mainly my mother), a home to set up and a future with my Soldier.

Since moving here, Steve came home in August of 2011, he and I got married. I met his family, wonderful friends and fell in love with the local foods (Cajun and Creole are amazing dishes). I miss things from the other places I've lived but at the same time, I love the small-town America vibe this place has. And soon, we will move to another place that I've never been, we will be surrounded by new people, living in Army housing on post (since it will only be for a year) and we will be celebrating our One year married, and our three years together in Missouri. Lily will start Kindergarten and Jax will be in preschool. I'm thinking of heading back to school for a Psychology degree and taking advantage of my father's GI Bill (as is my right as a survivor).

To move, however, we have to sell our house, make it appear perfect (which adds to so much of my stress), finish my dental things, and finish packing things that clutter our home (aka all the stuff that I won't be needing until at least May). There is nothing easy about PCSing. The thing that makes me grateful, though, is that I won't have to think too much about my in-laws and their misunderstanding and their lack of knowledge about my faith (which is our biggest obstacle in my relationship with them).

I really don't know how to deal with them. All I know is that my religion is misunderstood by them and I probably am misunderstanding their own, except I have asked my husband questions concerning their faith and found myself confused. Don't get me wrong, I know the Catholic church has some issues and possibly some corruption. I know that we have what people would consider "False Idols" in Saints (which, fyi, we don't worship, we simply pray to them in our time of need, we acknowledge their legacies and pray that they will guide us. However, I still accept Jesus (even if sometimes I question things too much) in my heart, and always have. I believe that God has so much to do with six billion (or is it seven billion now?) on earth and he delegates to the Angels and the Saints to help His people. But I also believe that other faiths are probably just as right and wrong as my own, that there are many paths into Saint Peter's Gates, that there are many different faiths that have lessons worthy of learning. I don't believe that any church could possibly have all the answers, nor does the Bible, but I do believe that it holds valuable information and lessons that I hang on to with my heart. I don't know all the answers, but I do know that there are good people who aren't Christian and there are bad people who are. I don't believe in a cruel God who would send good people to hell just because they are born into a faith or chose to believe in a certain faith that is contrary to the Christian way. Just as I do not believe that God would allow bad people into Heaven, who are neither deserving or repentant.

Some of my favorite parts of being catholic are confession, mass, communion and traditions. I love how you can go into any Catholic church in the entire world and the feeling inside is always the same, and for me, it means home, family and something divine. There is usually the same smell too, a mix of perfumes, the unscented candles that burn, the incense that burns purification, and the holy water always feels the same, cool to the touch yet warms on your heart and head as you cross yourself. I have a cross my father brought me back from Italy that was blessed by the Pope and I have my rosary that I've had for so long, a bracelet with pearls and the crucified Christ. I remember the lessons from Sunday School and Summer camp. I remember my first Communion and my confirmation.

I won't make my kids become Catholic though. I don't think I want my decedents entering my church, however I don't want them in my in-law's church either. It honestly terrified me to be there. I saw judgement where in my own, I saw love. I heard the sermon and found myself confused because it was of not judging others while judging them at the same time. I don't want my children being raised to believe that judging anyone, without a real cause is wrong. For example, you can judge a pedophile because he is a monster, not a human being but you cannot judge a young Muslim girl just because of her faith. The Pedophile prays on children, destroying their innocence and taking away the path their lives should have gone. The Muslim child has harmed no one and her only fault is by being born into a Muslim family.

The Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit, est pater, est filius, et spiritus sanceti. That is the Holy Trinity. That is what I believe in. Let me explain. I believe that God is the Father, he is my Heavenly Father as my Dad was my Earthly one. He created me (whether or not evolution was involved, which I believe is part of the "Seven Days" it took for God to create the Earth, pardon me, I consider science as well as the Bible for the beginnings of the human race) and everything else on Earth, past and present. Jesus, the Son, died for my sins and is my Savior, he has repented for me (although I also repent for my own sins, through confessions). And the Holy Spirit is that part of your soul that is drawn to the Heavens, the part that allows you to do Good and to make peace in the world. If you are good and try to be a good person and devote yourself to your own faith, the Holy Spirit inside you connects you to God and Jesus, but if you are bad and remorseless about your faith, then your Holy Spirit is replaced by a void inside. Now, don't misunderstand me, I don't know if this is what all Catholics believe (there have been so many branches break off and bend to the wills of the people, but this is what my Priest as a child explained to me). I don't believe my friends who are atheist or even agnostic are bad people, and I don't believe they'll go to Hell unless they die with a Hate in their heart that is incurable, however none of my friends, not even the ones with Anti-Christian tattoos are headed for hell. Not that I know of anyways. If they are, then most likely I'll follow them, as we agree on so much of life and only disagree where God is concerned, although we don't talk about our differences of faith. It's unimportant to our friendship and the love that we share.

I think I started to ramble. I didn't mean to but I just can't seem to explain myself right. Not on here, nor to his family. I can't explain how hard it is for me because Faith has never been a big issue in my life. I've had friends in so many different ones, but they all carried values that mattered to me: Loyalty, Courage, Honor, Integrity, Self-less Service, Duty and Respect. I don't care what others believe, and I doubt God would be that Hateful to people who carry these values at the core of themselves. Anyways, my in-laws disagree with most of what I've said before, which is basically what I wrote above. They don't understand how I can't see how "lost" I am, and I don't understand why they would think that. But when two different worlds meet, you can't help but have misunderstandings. I only pray that one day, we will be able to sit down and find ourselves looking past those differences, because as one human to another, from myself to you still reading, I don't think it matters nearly as much as we think it does.

Anyways, it's now 340 and I just spent an hour releasing thoughts from my worried mind. I wish I could talk to my in-laws like I can talk to my friends or even the "Moms" that have adopted me as part of their family. It would be nice to talk to my mother-in-law about kids or her son and how proud I am of him and how wonderful a man she raised. Maybe one day it will happen....

Good Night again.

Love,

Always and Forever,

Leah

Moving

It's been a hell of a move and impossible even. But I made it. Louisiana. And in a matter of months, Steve will be here too. I don't have my stuff yet. I'm hoping that arrives soon. Anyways, everything is pretty good. The kids are loving playing outside and I met some nice people. I'm not sure what to think yet, of course, but this is ok.

My boyfriend, my soldier, my hero

I am very happy with my life, with most aspects. I have two amazingly beautiful kids, who make every single day an adventure. I am living in upstate New York (during my "deployment") and while my family is great, I'm already anxious to move away, closer to my Hero.

I have an amazing man in my life who is everything I've always wanted in a man. He's funny, brilliant (working on his Masters degree), strong, honorable, charming, kind, generous, caring, handsome, adorable, sweet and romantic. He makes every single day during this deployment easier by letting me know he misses me in little ways and sometimes, not so little ways. He sends me flowers (first, when I was moving from Canada and second, for my birthday), gets me little gifts (for my birthday, he sent me an amazing harddrive that I wanted; a teddy bear with his Engineering symbol on it; and most recently a care package from Afghanistan that had a few shirts, one that said Real Soldier on it, and his PT shirt which smells like him, another teddy bear, stoneware and something that fits my personality). He also supports and encourages every single thing I do. Whenever I have a problem, he wants to help me solve it and doesn't think that I'm over reacting, or if he does, he never says so, he simply says that he's there for me, that I'm strong and I can handle it. He is also so supportive over my plans to start online classes in January.

I am switching apartments in the next few days and I'm so glad to do it. There's way too much drama living in this place, since my mother's boyfriend is my landlord, so switching is the best way to ease that up in my life. I have applied for scholarships and grants for school and am pretty sure that I'm starting in January. It's the perfect plan. I'm so excited and to have someone who cares about me so much, supporting my every move. I am head over heals for Steve, my Captain. He's my number one fan and I'm his. We're perfect for each other and I'll never get over him. <3 He's my everything.

Lily and Jax are getting big. Jax is so tall and really not fat as much as he is just bigger. Whenever we go out, people ask if they are twins and can hardly believe that Jax is the youngest of them. It's really sweet and cute actually. I am absolutely crazy about my Babies and will never give them up for the world. They are my angels. <3

So r&r is less than a month and a half away... I'm so excited to see him again. We have plans to do some things together outside but I have a feeling most of our days will be spent curled up next to each other, hearing his heart beat, smelling him, feeling his arms wrapped around me. Getting new pictures... saying three little words that both of us don't want to say over the phone or online.

We have a skype date later <3

He's my absolute Hero <3

I'm finally going home

Goodbye, Canada. I'm done with you. You've brought me almost nothing good. Other than my two beautiful children, you have broken me almost beyond repair. I am just now coming back to life and it's because of an American man who brings the joy into my life.