I have serious issues

Afghanistan sucks. America Rocks. 

Clearly you should just come home.

I love you. <3 xoxox

Memorial Day, Monday May 30, 2011

I remember my father’s face and I realize that I’ll never see him again. I’m the daughter of a man who served and died under the American Flag. He believed with all his heart that it was his duty, his privilege to fight and die for his Country. He believed in Heaven’s Warrior Angels, that the gates of Heaven are guarded by those United States Servicemen who bravely stood and fought in the dead of night and the burning fires of the day. He believed the greatest gift a man could ever give was his life for his child’s freedom. He believed it was a fair trade, to die in place of another who could live. He believed there wasn’t a choice when it was you or your brothers, if you could save them, it was always them. I don’t know how many times he almost died. I don’t know how many times he almost didn’t make it home and I never will. Secret missions in foreign, far-away lands, danger around every corner, I’ll never know because it eventually caught up to him. He gave Death many others before his time came and when it did, he didn’t hesitate, but willingly went with his brother to the other side. My father is a warrior, even in his Death, for you see, he defends the kingdom of Heaven in all its Glory.

It's Memorial Day and it's a hard day for me. I am always saddened by the loss of life and the fact that it seems unpreventable in realistic terms. I love my friends and family that served. There is no greater love than that of a man willing to give up his life for his friend. God Bless those who serve, past, present and future.

Memorial Day Weekend

I hope that on this Memorial Day we can for a moment think about our military tribe. Families that at their core are not much different from other American families, the nation entrusts them with its safety and security and its future as a free people. They make up less than 1 percent of our citizenry, but bear disproportionately the burden of sacrifice.

If you are able, save for them a place inside of you and save one backward glance when you are leaving for the places they can no longer go. Be not ashamed to say you loved them, though you may or may not have always. Take what they have taught you with their dying and keep it with your own.

‎"There's a disconnect every day, but I think it's felt even more so on Memorial Day," said Paul Rieckhoff, executive director of Iraq and Afghanistan Veterans of America. "The average American family goes to the beach or goes to a barbecue. The average military family goes to a cemetery."

You see their faces, but you don't know. They are the children of war. Born of those who fought til the day they died. You would never know by just their faces but the badge of pride they wear upon their heart on their sleeve is a bright answer for the sacrifice "IT WAS NOT MADE IN VAIN" We, the children of those Heroes who answered that call, are honored to be theirs.

A soldier died in battle and went to the gates of heaven, where he met God. He said to God," Lord, I know I did many things i ain't proud of, and many more that you won't approve of, so if you send me to hell, I won't argue." God stood there, and then turned to the gatekeeper of heaven. "Let him in", he said. The gatekeeper, confused, asked why. God looked down at the soldier & said," This man just came from hell."

How does a soldier feel fighting a war?
Does he always know what he is fighting for?
Maybe he knows but doesn't understand,
why he is alone in a faraway land. 
Like so many others he is there for a cause,
And like the rest he doesn't pause.
He has a job that he does well,
even as his best friend beside him fell. 
How does he feel when he hears the news,
of violent protests from the ignorant few?
His shame is great, the pain goes deep
he feels compassion for the dead at his feet. 
Rioters can boast and carry signs,
about the war that has shook our time.
But when the call comes for them to go,
they burn their draft cards and make a show. 
How can a soldier be proud of his land,
when this type of people make a stand?
How can we show him we are glad he is there,
fighting for freedom and the ones who care? 
War is unfair in any way of life,
and all involved must pay the price.
But the soldier is proud to keep us free,
stop and think..........
Shouldn't you be?

 

winds of death verses our breaths of life

♥ Prayers for everyone. Knowing one personal tragedy makes my heart bleed for all those that have been affected. Some stories are worse than others and some offer more hope, but all were affected by these tragic events that swept across our Nation. I pray for every family and friend who lost someone they loved; for the victims to cross to their ideal afterlife and for the survivors to remain strong and carry on.

 Mother nature has destroyed the US over the past few months and it has been one hell of a spring. I just hope America is able to come together and support the victims of these horrifying events.

megan and eric

please don't forget me....

you didn't call... I miss you.

Don't worry about the Rapture

I am yours.

It doesn't matter how you started, What matters is how you will finish.

I'm hoping the rest of my life is better than it is now. I hope that the best of my past is the worst of my future.... Do you think that's even possible? Steve says it is... I believe him... or I want to believe him. He'll be home soon. In about 2 and a half months... I hope anyways... I just hope he knows I love him as much as I do, which for me is inexplicable. <3

I love my Soldier always, not for a single moment has that changed. 

I am always going to be in love with you.

Thank you for loving me too.

love

If you press me to say why I loved him, I can say no more than because he was he, and I was I. ~ Michel de Montaigne

I know I love him, every minute of every day. I get letters and post cards. I get incredibly spoiled and I love him with all my heart... xoxoxoxox

Don't involve me in her drama

my vote is trinidad

hey you.

I miss you.

wishes of you

 I'm not sure how long it's been but I miss you already. You need to call again soon... I miss you. I'm lonely

enough said

Bin Laden's Death

Recent world events have caused an uproar in the world but in our world, the military community, our concerns and fears are increased. Many of us have loved ones deployed and many will have theirs deployed soon. We know that the death of our greatest enemy means the fighting will be worse until we finally destroy the terrifying beast, Al Qaeda, and we know we will because we must.

We are Americans and we never stop. But we are more than Americans, we are the American Armed Forces and the families. We go through what other families never even consider. They don't watch the news with any of our concerns. They don't worry the moment the words "Army/Marines" and "Deployment/Afghanistan" appear on the news. We are the ones who spend days attempting to keep busy and nights alone and awake, trying to fight off the empty ache of loneliness. Our joys are phone calls and letters and the ever-so rare skype dates. We are thrilled by a package arriving containing something useful instead of something sweet. We fall in love over and over with the same man, the same man who fights for all of us, even those who don't care.

Those men and women who serve our country are the only reason America still stands. Our government has failed us over the past few years, and, it seems, only gets worse as time goes by. We need to change this but in order to do that we must wait. We must be patient and we must stay united and strong. It is our jobs as the American Military and those that represent them when they are off fighting. We must be strong and we must carry on, carrying the burden of our entire country in this fight against hate, terrorism and enemies of our Men and Women. This isn't just a fight between countries anymore. It's a fight between men who have lost their brothers and friends, it's a fight that has gotten personal. We will win because we have always proven that our determination will always outlast anyone else's.

Now as the future becomes the present and our new futures are being formed in Washington even as I type this, I believe that we will survive and we will win. The women of the Armed Forces, the wives, fiances and girlfriends, are the backbone of this small percentage of Americans and it is they who shall endure the second hardest job in the Military. Some raise children alone and some are spending the happiest times of their youth waiting for their prince charming to return. We all have a role that is far too underappreciated, sometimes, even by our men who fight.

We know we do not suffer the same wounds, physically or mentally, but I believe our test is more of an endurance of mind and will. We learn to survive alone. We learn to fix the clog in the sink, fix a pipe, paint, play baseball. We learn how to be alone with children because sometimes no one can help us. Sometimes we are too far away from loved ones to have any family, so we forge friendships and bonds. We create a sisterhood that surpasses any sorority that could exist and it is us who face the media, the scruntity and the vast array of emotions that comes with our position among the waiting.

Now, Bin Laden is dead and whether or not you celebrate that fact, our lives will change. Already alert levels are raised and we find ourselves waiting and wondering "how will they get us back?" We hope that it won't happen but anyone foolish to think that isn't thinking about the situation. Islamic extremists are infuriated with the American Government and our Military. Regardless that this terrorist initiated our vengence in 1993 and furthered the cause in 1998 with the USS Cole bombing and finally attacked our Homeland on September 11th, 2001; they are angered by the death of their, for all-intents and purposes, King.

We have cut the head out of the best, let's hope it doesn't grow back too many heads and until we know what the future holds, I beg of all of you to carry yourselves with dignity and strength. Remember that you represent him and in his world, that means his career and his life. Pray for our Servicemen everywhere. Pray for our Heroes and pray for America. We are at the precipice of change. What happens now will determine everything. God Bless America and God Bless her People.

Just thought you should know...

Congrats Babe!!

 

Today my amazing boyfriend was promoted to Captain (O-3) in the United States Army. I am soooo proud of the man he is and that I get to be in his life. 

 Babe, I am absolutely enamored with the man you are. I hope to make you proud of the woman I am and I hope you always make it home to me. I love you, Stephen Edward R******** <3 I am so proud of you.

 Congrats Captain Steve :) My love <3

Six years ago

Six years. I can't believe it's been six years. Sometimes I think about you so much that whole days are spent wondering where you are, wondering if I'll see you again one day... I wonder what your life would be like. Would you have a son? Would he have your eyes? Six years. It's a long time.

You really don't know how much your absence has left me stumbling around blind. In six months, we would have been married for six years. At least I like to think we would have been married that long, longer still. I like to imagine that you never left for Iraq. I like to pretend that didn't happen sometimes. It doesn't change it. It doesn't change that six years ago, you left. That six years ago, today, was the last time I saw your face. I try to pretend that didn't happen. And maybe in some reality it didn't. But in this one... I can't forget.

I remember the news. I felt like my heart had been ripped out and you had taken every ounce of happiness with you. I don't remember much after the Chaplain's eyes met mine. I became aware of a vast emptiness in my life. You were gone and this stranger, this man telling me that you were in a better place, stood in front of me. How could that be true when I wasn't with you, I thought. How could you be somewhere better when you'd told me the best place was with me? I couldn't think, I couldn't focus. The loss was all around me, the pain was constant and excruciating. I'd lost the first boy I'd ever loved. The boy I'd planned to marry. The boy who had kissed me first, who had given me my first valentine's day gift, who danced with me at a dance first. I'd lost the first boy who had touched my heart and soul and body. When I lost you, everything changed.

I remember when you were ten years old. Do you? Do you recall the first time we met? I was seven and scrawny and thought I was every match to you. You got mad when I did better at a race and pushed me down into the mud. Over the years things would change. We went from two kids who fought to two teenagers in young love. On your 18th birthday, you told me you were enlisting in the Marine Corps. I remember the fear I felt at that moment. I wasn't old enough to keep a Marine happy, only 15 and not nearly experienced enough. I hadn't even given you my body yet but you promised no pressure and you meant it. You waited nearly two more years. 

Your graduation was such a wonderful day. Your mother was so proud of you. She kept leaning over and whispering "That's my son! Can you believe it?" Her very own Hero son. I remember looking at you in your uniform for the first time and thinking "wow, this works." I remember your confident smile, it was so different than the one you had before the Marines trained you. You were no longer awkward or clumsy.

The following summer we went to your Dad's wedding and sat at the wedding party table. I didn't know anyone, not even your Dad but you said it wasn't important, they didn't know you, so knowing me wasn't a priority. I will never forget the pain in your eyes when you said that. That was our last summer together.

The day you were buried was the hardest day of my life until that point, in fact, it may be one of the hardest days I've ever gone through. I sat next to your mother, on the same side I sat when we first saw you become a Marine. I held her hand and this time there was no excitement. I think we were both so hallowed out and our strength was gone... I remember trying to stand, to put my hand on your casket one more time, I felt so weak. And now six years later, I feel a flash of pain, 100 times less great and it still hurts beyond what I ever expected.

Things are different now. The life that we were meant to live ended with you. The memories you gave me are mine. And you taught me so many important lessons... I learned so much about love and life and pain of loss from you...

I am with a good man. He's a Soldier, an officer, so different from you. I love him very much and he makes me feel like I matter more than anyone else. It took me a long time to get here. But he doesn't know your name. I'm not even sure I've really told him about you. I know I have mentioned you once or twice but you are mine. To me, your name, your face, our love, those are mine... I covet your memory on quiet rainy days and think about you. I miss you and a part of my heart, the only part that didn't break the day you died, the part that holds all the times before, all the whispered first love moments, still loves you with the power that could fly men to the moon. <3 I miss you. And I hope I'm making you proud..

Six years... how did so much time pass? 

I love you. Semper fi.

I will never stray

Just some thoughts

Here's some early morning, alone-time thoughts. Warning, you might not agree with this... but please read it all before you judge.

As Kurt Cobain once wrote, "you read, you die."

I have been watching Gilmore girls for days. I haven't gotten cable yet (trying to save money since I am just moving in) and it's so peaceful and doesn't remind me of real life other than my hopes for my daughter and I. I want another baby one day but I want another son. My daughter is my firstborn and she's beautiful and my miracle <3 I know that in some ways, she will always have this piece of my heart that is just a little bit bigger and if I have the relationship with her that Lorelie and Rory have, I would be a very happy mother. <3 My son, Jax, In some ways, I picture his future as a different one. He's big. Like football player, NFL future big. The doctors told me on his second birthday that he would be between 6'2 and 6'3. I was so amazed. I am only five 2. And his father isn't over six foot. He's also strong and smart. He uses his strength and agility to his advantage. He can hop my four and a half foot gate and he's not even three!! I imagine him playing football soon and being in high school, waiting for scholarships, getting one to send him to a good school and he can get a degree. then my dream splits. He can either go play for the NFL, (Personally I dream of him on the REDSKINS, completely my favorite team) and his life would be amazing. We're also a "generational military" family so my other dream involves him joining the Military as an officer and serving his country. I often dream of him in the Marine Corps. My third dream is simpler. I dream of him being a doctor. I mean, come on. What mom wouldn't be proud to have a son that's a doctor? <3 My daughter, I dream of her being an artist. But I am realistic and realize I'm passing my dreams as hers. I dream of her painting in Italy, sketching in Paris, playing small gigs in Amsterdam and New York City. <3

Anyways, I better get going. I just wanted to share some of my world.