You are here and

Sad :(

You are leaving soon. And I don't like it.

you are in my dreams always

Thoughts on life.

You must be the change you wish to see in the world ~ Ghandi

Sometimes this quote really rings true for me. Since starting Recruited ByLove, I have done so much more than I ever thought I was capable of. I saved a great girl from doing something that would be forever unchangeable. I have helped two mothers in bad relationships get the help they need. I’ve been there for countless girls, listening to them vent, offering advice and giving them a friend whenever they need. Recruited is more than just a support site, it’s a calling and it’s mine. I have so many ideas and watching this page grow has been such an amazing adventure. I’ve never had so much love in my heart and I’ve never felt so good in my life. Having these girls, my boyfriend, my kids, living in the States (even if it’s a state that I hate) has been good.

So HE arrives in less than two days. He’ll be here Tuesday Afternoon and my heart skips a beat whenever I think about it. He is beyond all doubts the best man in my life and I would do everything and more to keep him in it for the rest of it. Yesterday I went shopping for food and ended up loading up on some stuff that I really love and picked up the ingredients to make Chicken-Fried steak. It will be so amazing. I also got my “welcome home” outfit put together. I picked up these almost army-style camo pants, a grey shirt which I customized to say “OPERATION TAKE THIS OFF and you’re in charge!” Underneath I will be wearing a very sexy pair of panties and bra. They are pink and black with black lace and a little silver bow in the middle of the bra and panties. So cute. I asked the girls on RBL and they said it sounded cute too. So whew.

Today I’m doing laundry. My god, washing all the blankets and just this weeks clothes and towels is taking forever. I can’t believe how much it takes sometimes. I have devote a day entirely to laundry, just to get it done. But it will all be done, everything will smell good and he’ll be laying in my bed in just a few days <3 My God, I am so excited and anxious.

Every fault I have is sticking out. I’ve broken out and I’m barely sleeping so I have bags under my eyes. Tomorrow I have dedicated to being my at home spa day. All day I will be getting ready, painting my nails, dying my hair a nice lovely shade of brown, and best yet, getting my room together. Also I have to fit homework in there, so I bought the biggest can of monster they sell and am going to force myself to get everything done for the week Monday night and Tuesday morning.

One of my neighbors agreed to babysit for me so I can go out with HIM alone YAY! Thank Gosh. I’ve been searching for one and less than three days prior, I found one. WOOT!

Anyways, I’d better get back to my day. Just wanted to check in. Have a gooder

Life is as life is.

Well, I have completed all my homework except for my paper. I'm stuck. I can't come up with a thesis. Hopefully I'll come up with something brilliant by Saturday, otherwise I'm screwed.


I keep having dreams about SR... Last night, I kept dreaming he got home and called me from the airport. And I was so excited but I'd wake up inside my dream and get mad, then sure enough. I think I'm getting quite impatient. haha.

My daughter turned FOUR!!!! yesterday. Wow I am the mother of a four year old daughter. Wow.

Also, it has snowed.... A LOT!

Ok. tired. write later. byez

Jan 10, 2011

I sit here, trying to find the words to explain what I feel at the moment and all I can come up with is hopeful, worried and in love. Over the past few days, I've been extremely worried about things, things concerning myself and my two children but today, today my amazing man promised me that he'd help me get things straightened out when he gets here and that soon enough I'll be leaving. He also reminded me that we have to go "Christmas" shopping when he gets back. He's even talked about going about an hour away to really make a day of it. I have never been so blessed as to have this amazing man in my life, this wonderful, sweet, charming man who in all reasoning should shake his head and walk away but stays with me, loving me from far away, helping me whenever he can, promising me a brighter future and holding onto that promise.

 

 Today Social Service showed up to "inspect" and found nothing, as I knew they wouldn't but when they try I get worried. They left saying that they would call me. Good, bye. Right after they left, I got back online with my love and told him, he said he was glad nothing had happened and that the rest of their concerns would go away and he'd have my back (and my front and all the other soft places haha).

I am so blessed with him, it's ridiculous. I love him beyond all else and I can't wait to see him. Soon, very very soon

God bless!

assassinations and life...

Dear World,

                Today, someone tried to assassinate a US Congresswoman from Arizona, a democrat who’d just been elected. I guess, someone was pissed off and took it out on her and several others. The shooter is in custody. Apparently, a Military spouse was also hit. What a world.

                I talked to Steve this morning which was awesome. I love hearing from him and he called to tell me that he’ll be home soon J I’m so excited!!! He’s this incredible guy and he’s going to be in my bed soon ;)  haha. We talked for about twenty-five minutes, which was so good for me because I really wanted to talk to him. I miss him so much. I can’t wait to see him.

                I baked this afternoon, strawberry and blueberry muffins. They are yummy. I also am making dinner right now, penne with my meat sauce. Pretty good dinner menu. I have country music from the 90s playing to keep me company while Lily and Jax torture me with misbehaving and creating a mess where I just cleaned up… It’s unending, twice the kids, ten times the work.

                Anyways, til later, Love, Leah

first friday of 2011

Well, this week has gone pretty well. I have gotten a lot done via school work is concerned. Turned in my first paper today, we’ll see how well I do. I had to chop a lot out of it because I had too many words. My computer finally let me download microsoft word again. It took ages. I wrote my report, did more than the minimum in all my classes, took notes for two weeks, have another paper to write next week, but I find out the topic on Monday, so no worries for the weekend. Just going to do my test tomorrow because I couldn’t focus on it tonight.

My biological father is not the type of man I’d wish on anyone. He hates me with a passion and whenever I refuse to allow him into my life, he tries to take me down any way he can. This time he’s focusing on my kids, which is so crap. He called Child services where he lives because he doesn’t know where I live. And there’s a reason for it. I don’t trust the man and I knew I shouldn’t. so I told him to back off and leave me alone. But he chose not to and then I told him I’d never let him in and he did this. Any wonder why I don’t trust him?

Makes me miss my Daddy, this all-too-amazing hero, who loved me and never for one minute made me feel less like his beautiful daughter, I was his little girl. He really gave me the best gift of all, unconditional love.

I haven’t gotten to talk to Steve in over 2 days. I miss him a lot and I’m slightly worried, but I am looking forward to that call, the one that says “Baby, I’m on American soil.” God, it consumes me. I miss him so much.

Anyways, it’s Friday night, I got a package from Belgium full of amazing chocolate, my auntie sent it to me. She’s not my real aunt but I’ve always found family in the world, we adopt each other…

Anyways, off to watch something mind-numbing and study a little more. Might take my exam tonight just to get it over with.

Love, Leah

college and life

Well, I am in College officially and focusing on it is actually pretty hard to do. I've been immersed in notes and working on assignments and papers for the past three days, knowing that I have to get ahead in class so when my Baby comes home (I KNOW THE DATES!!!!) I won't fall behind. And it's alot. I have a test to take this week, one more day of "going to class" and a paper to turn in. Plus there are 4 chapters worth of notes per class in the next two weeks that I'm trying to get written so I can relax when he's here.

In other news, it snowed  today, which was pretty but cold. I don't really like Snow anymore, blame it on the 3 years I spent in Northern Manitoba, but yea, wow, so not my thing.

I got to talk to Steve. We have some really amazing conversations and I'm so worried about him coming home, but so excited. He's the love of my life, and he doesn't even know it yet, but he will. When he gets here.

Anyways, I have to get back to school work. Fun Fun.

Love, Leah

the ending of the first day of 2011

This afternoon I went outside and met some of my neighbors while the kids enjoyed the 50F weather we were having. I spent the day hanging out and talking with my new neighbors. Some good people. :)

The kids enjoyed playing with a few neighbor kids who chased them and played ball with them. It was nice to watch my kids get all worn out and laughing the whole time. I hope that tomorrow's weather is equally nice and I can do the same as today.

Today I got some bad news, well bad in a way, and relieving in another. My favorite teacher and mentor, Marm, had his mother pass away last night. It was sad news but in a way, somewhat good, as she had been suffering dementia for the past four or five years, and living in a home that she did not want to be in for the past two, due to her daughter and a guardian appointed by the state. It makes me sad that Marm lost his only true family but in a way, I know he sees it as the relief his mother had been wanting for some time and the guardian would not give her any at all.
So rest in Peace, sweet woman, who raised one of the finest sons a mother could ever hope for. God bless you and may you be met with joy and happiness upon seeing your Husband again.

Other than the sad news that has greeted me, I am pleased to say that a good friend of mine heads of to Parris Island to train to be a Marine. I'm very proud of him and he has always been a good person. I can't wait to hear about his graduation and perhaps I'll even be able to see him Graduate. Very proud moment. :)

As for other things, the kittens are doing fine, their eyes have opened and I have arranged a home for one of the kittens. Possibly the other two. I'm keeping the gray one and her mother, I believe. I'm not entirely sure, but I think it's a possibility. I know the gray kitten beyond all facts. And knowing myself and my conscience, I will most likely keep Abby too.

Well I better go, it's getting late and I should relax and get some rest.

Love, Leah

the beginning of 2011

Today was a pretty good start to the new year... I got to talk to Steve just after midnight with skype :) I cannot wait to see him. I also got to talk to him this morning on facebook chat. I am so happy that he's coming home soon, it makes me feel so good. I also spent the early part of the day inside, relaxing. Then it was such a nice afternoon. I took the kids out back and they played with two neighborhood kids. We spent three hours outside. I met some of my neighbors and talked to adults in person. I think I can handle living here if I have a few afternoons like this every once in a while. I am so much more relaxed.

I also get to start school on Monday, but I also have to go to the bank and pay my rent :( Blah. I am so excited to start school. I picked up school supplies yesterday morning. I got a 5 subject notebook, to take notes in, 2 composition notebooks (they are for when I have exams, I rewrite notes so I know what I'm learning right before). I got pink pens and black pens, to make my note taking and studying easier. I also got highlighters.

Then yesterday, I rearranged my bedroom (since moving in, it's been just a place I sleep and watch tv) but now i made it so when Steve comes home, it'll be easier for him.  I also hung up my posters to make this place a little more colorful.

Well, I'm exhausted and Steve might be calling later, so I'm going to crash early. I miss him so much and he's given me so much strength.

thank you, 2010, for my Soldier

Dear World,

I can hardly believe that 2010 is over, that in an hour and a half, 2011 will be upon us. I am still amazed by the events of this past year. 

This time last year, I was living in a completely different place, with a man who didn't deserve my love, nor loved me back. I had a dog, whom I miss so much and was so far from home, it hurt my heart daily. Then the year passed and and alot changed.

I met this man, this amazingly honorable and sweet man who although I didn't know it at the time, would piece my heart back together and give me so much hope and faith for a future full of love, happiness and peace. That together we could have a truly epic and lasting relationship. He encouraged me in whatever dreams came into my fancy as well as found a way to protect me from the hardships this world sometimes placed in my path.

When I was a little girl, I dreamed that one person would share my dreams, happiness and energy. I could never see his face, but he was always there and I always knew he was out there, somewhere, in the world, that I just needed to find him and feel his heart with mine. I visualized the bond we would have and the courage he would give me to endure life's obstacles. All these years, I was with others, feeling my way through life, learning lessons that would would prepare me to become the person that I am now. I have been hurt and abandoned, I have felt alone and sad. Then one day, my eyes opened and I was that little girl again, realizing that he was there, finally, at last. That in my world was the man that I had dreamed of and I'd hoped would not miss our meeting in life... and that man is my Captain, my heart, my everything.

In 2011, I shall start the year with the love of my life calling me (or skyping, I don't yet know which). We have talked about our plans for the year and our wishes. He told me that this year will be the best year of my life, and I hope he's right, because as long as he is in it, I believe that it will be. I love him, with all my heart and soul, for now and forever.

Love, Leah

PS. I also begin School on Monday and he comes home for r&r in just a couple weeks. I am so thrilled, my heart beats faster whenever I think on it.

May the best of last year be the worst of next.

For now and Forever

my love for you will never end

it runs much deeper than a friend

i long to feel your warm embrace...

and to see a smile upon your face

chorus:

so for now and forever i vow to be true

there's no one i could love like you

so for now and forever and a little bit more

this is the love i've been longing for

v2 a love so strong a love so true

a love i could only have for you

this hear that fought not to be broken

is now to you laid wide open

chorus

my heart was a door with no lock and no key

but like a true warrior you've come to save me

you unlocked the door that hid my love

you are a gift from God above

chorus

so for now and forever, til death do us part

for now and forever you'll always have my heart

quotes i love

Be safe, sleep with a Soldier, just not mine ♥

If you think Soldiers are tough, you should see their girls ♥

Dear deployment, you are a cockblocker. I need sex.

I really hate this crap called deployment.

His calls keep me ♥Alive♥

Wake me up when this deployment ends

BACK OFF! I'm taken by a real man. Proud Army Sweetheart ♥

Screw the shining armor. My hero wears combat boots ♥

Half my Heart is in Afghanistan ♥♥♥♥

In my wildest dreams, you always play the hero. In my darkest hour of night, you rescue me, you save me ♥

You are nothing short of my everything ♥

Because I miss you, hearing your voice is the closest thing to touching you ♥
...
I may not get to see you as often as I like. I may not get to hold you in my arms all through the night but deep in my heart I truly know, you're the man that I want and I can't let you go ♥

I wish you were here, but you're not here, you're there and there doesn't know how lucky it is.

Wherever you go I'll be waiting, whenever you call, I'll be there. Whatever it takes, I'll make your darkest days so bright, you're in my heart here tonight. ♥

Before I sleep and after I wake up and all the hours in between, you occupy my mind... so practically every single moment of the day you are in my thoughts.

The simple lack of you is more to me than the presence of others ♥

Give me more lovin than I've ever had, make it all better when I'm feelin' sad. Tell me I'm special even when I know I'm not, make me feel good when I hurt so bad, barely gettin mad, I'm so glad i found you. I love being around you... Give me more lovin' from the very start, piece me back together when I fall apart. Tell me things you never even tell your closest friends. Make me feel good when I hurt so bad, best that I've had, I'm so glad that I found you. I love being around you. You make it easy, it's easy as one, two, one, two, three, four.

december 7th, 2010

Yesterday I got a letter mailed after the letter I got today... and the letter today, was absolutely the sweetest.

he wrote this: "Whenever I hear or think your name I see a cute little girl who will dance in the street and not care who is watching. I think of someone who has a huge heart, smart mouth, tender touch and sweet kiss. So you are amazing. I am so glad we found each other and we can make each other smile. I miss you, can't wait to talk to you again, or chat with you, something. Next time I see you we will have the longest hug ever. I miss you and really wanna be with you. xxxooo's"

He's everything to me <3

My boyfriend, my soldier, my hero

I am very happy with my life, with most aspects. I have two amazingly beautiful kids, who make every single day an adventure. I am living in upstate New York (during my "deployment") and while my family is great, I'm already anxious to move away, closer to my Hero.

I have an amazing man in my life who is everything I've always wanted in a man. He's funny, brilliant (working on his Masters degree), strong, honorable, charming, kind, generous, caring, handsome, adorable, sweet and romantic. He makes every single day during this deployment easier by letting me know he misses me in little ways and sometimes, not so little ways. He sends me flowers (first, when I was moving from Canada and second, for my birthday), gets me little gifts (for my birthday, he sent me an amazing harddrive that I wanted; a teddy bear with his Engineering symbol on it; and most recently a care package from Afghanistan that had a few shirts, one that said Real Soldier on it, and his PT shirt which smells like him, another teddy bear, stoneware and something that fits my personality). He also supports and encourages every single thing I do. Whenever I have a problem, he wants to help me solve it and doesn't think that I'm over reacting, or if he does, he never says so, he simply says that he's there for me, that I'm strong and I can handle it. He is also so supportive over my plans to start online classes in January.

I am switching apartments in the next few days and I'm so glad to do it. There's way too much drama living in this place, since my mother's boyfriend is my landlord, so switching is the best way to ease that up in my life. I have applied for scholarships and grants for school and am pretty sure that I'm starting in January. It's the perfect plan. I'm so excited and to have someone who cares about me so much, supporting my every move. I am head over heals for Steve, my Captain. He's my number one fan and I'm his. We're perfect for each other and I'll never get over him. <3 He's my everything.

Lily and Jax are getting big. Jax is so tall and really not fat as much as he is just bigger. Whenever we go out, people ask if they are twins and can hardly believe that Jax is the youngest of them. It's really sweet and cute actually. I am absolutely crazy about my Babies and will never give them up for the world. They are my angels. <3

So r&r is less than a month and a half away... I'm so excited to see him again. We have plans to do some things together outside but I have a feeling most of our days will be spent curled up next to each other, hearing his heart beat, smelling him, feeling his arms wrapped around me. Getting new pictures... saying three little words that both of us don't want to say over the phone or online.

We have a skype date later <3

He's my absolute Hero <3

the military brat ... :)

• Actually like the clothes at the PX and don't mind that 100 other people are wearing the same thing.
• All your former very best friends are as long gone as your last move.
• Always wish you were back at the last place you were stationed even 20 years later.
• Answer the question "where are you from" with "I'm kinda from all over the place"
• Are able to imitate others speech patterns easily
• Are amazed at people who have lived somewhere more than three years.
• Are amazed at people who have never left their hometown.
• Are amazed at people who have never seen foreign currency.
• Are amazed at people who think Frankfurt is a some kind of hotdog.
• Are asked "where did you learn to speak English so well"
• Are asked is it hard always moving around when you don't know anything else.
• Are brought to tears by military music.
• Are going to a grocery store but call it a commissary.
• Are initially confused when asked where are you from but quickly respond "everywhere!"
• At 22 you are trying to find someone in the military to marry so you can get a new ID card.
• Avoid visiting the doctor because you don't trust civilian hospitals.
• Bagged groceries at the commissary on payday.
• Can ask for a beer in most European languages.
• Can bounce a quarter off your bedsheets and have hospital corners on your bed.
• Can call up actual memories of a country while you're in Geography class.
• Can identify ranks and duty station by the stickers on the car's bumper.
• Can not speak the language of the country in which you were born.
• Can recite all the AFRTS commercials along with the elevision.
• Can remember ordering a Big Mac, fries, and beer.
• Can still convert foreign currency in your head.
• Can talk to anyone and everyone from anywhere and everywhere.
• Can't drink Budweiser without being coerced.
• Do not understand why many of your friends are afraid to be in an airplane.
• Don't feel quite right seeing military personnel younger than you.
• Don't really know how to answer the question "what is your hometown."
• Don't remember the names of your childhood friends.
• Draw a quick map of the world to show someone where you last lived.
• Ever got sick eating chocolate field rations.
• Every room you've ever had was stark white and you couldn't put nail holes in the walls
• Everyone complains about your name being the most scratched out in their address book.
• Everywhere you go you think you see someone you went yo school with.
• Expect someone else to do your housework but can't afford it.
• Feared turning 21 because they would take your id card away.
• Feel like you should be visiting the states rather than living in them.
• Feel more at home on a military base than in town even though you've been a civilian for 26 years
• Feel more comfortable living near a military base and get bummed out when a base gets closed.
• Felt like a part of history that was happening around you.
• Find that you can easily amuse yourself for hours at airports, train or bus stations.
• Graduated from a high school you only attended for a year.
• Had Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners in a mess hall.
• Have a very best lifelong friend who you have known for less than a few years.
• Have been asked just where in NY is APO.
• Have to explain that being born in Germany does not make you a German.
• Have forgotten how to speak more languages than most people ever learn.
• Have USAA as your insurance company.
• Know exactly how horrible AFN commercials are.
• Knew the rank and name of the kid next door's father before meeting the kid next door.
• Know kilometers better than miles and Celsius better than Fahrenheit.
• Know that Radio Luxembourg was the number one way to keep up with the latest rock and roll hits.
• Know the words and tune to military march songs.
• Know what "the land of the big PX is."
• Know what the "land of the round door knob is."
• Left school frequently for bomb scares.
• Listened to Armed Forces and VOA radio for the 1st 10 years of your life.
• Miss shopping at AAFES or the PX.
• Most of your Scout camping equipment had US instead of BSA stamped on it.
• Munched on hot brotchen and gummies on the way to school.
• Name schools in three countries on two continents when asked what high school you attended.
• Never quite finished decorating your place because you knew you'd be moving soon.
• Notice Tom Cruise in uniform, outside with no hat and having a non-regulation haircut in Top Gun.
• Panic when you can't find you ID or passport.
• Put your hand over your heart at 5 p.m. knowing the flag was coming own ...somewhere.
• Realize that the latest fashion in the states is not the same clothes you bought on base.
• Remember being able to watch the Super Bowl or World Series live on TV at 2 a.m.
• Stand up for the National Anthem at the start of a movie in a theater.
• Thought all pens had "US Government" printed on them.
• Thought that the quartermaster was the real Santa Claus.
• Thought vacations meant going stateside to visit the grandparents.
• Try to take out your ID card when you enter a grocery store.
• Went into hysterics when your grandparents thought of selling their house.
• Wonder if dad signed a hand receipt when you were born.
• You are confused when you fiancee talks about watching trees grow large in front of the house.
• You went on week-long field trips to England, France and Italy.
• You'd been to every Gasthaus in Germany before you were 18.
• Your ssn, home of record, state of residence, and place of birth are far from matching.
• Know PCS meant pack your toys and say see ya later

please....

It will always be

God if you're listening please

Dear God, if you're listenin please

This is me, prayin for him

I'm all right so don't worry 'bout me

My Hero's fighting a fight so far away

I worry each passing day

So God if you're listenin please

This is me prayin for him

Protect him and keep him safe

Never let him feel alone

Grant him peace and remind him

He needs to come home to my loving embrace

Days pass slowly but my prayer never changes

Days and nights pass by

but the clock never seems to fly

I keep prayin

I keep waitin

My love wont ever fade

Just like my prayer it won't change

Dear God if you're listenin please

This is me prayin for him

I'm all right so don't worry about me

My Hero's fightin a fight so far away

Not a moment goes by he's not on my mind

Let him feel my love 'cross miles of ocean and land

I pray for his safe return

Give him the hope and comfort you can

Dear God if you're listenin please

this is me prayin for him

I'm beggin if you hear me

Protect him and grant him peace

Keep him safe 'til he returns to me

Days and nights pass by

but the clock never seems to fly

I keep prayin

I keep waitin

My love won't ever fade

Just like my prayer it won't change

God if you're listenin please

Dear God, just listen to me

This is my only prayer

I'm not prayin for me

I'm beggin if you can hear

Protect him and keep him safe

Bring him home to my lovin embrace

Dear God if you're listenin please

see me down hear on my knees

Dear God, if you hear me

This is me prayin for him

Let him feel my love 'cross miles of ocean and land

Remind him I'm waiting, I'll never stop waiting

Keep him safe til he returns to me.

Dear God, I keep prayin

So if you're listenin please

Keep him safe til he's home with me

Remind him I'm waiting, my love's not fading

Dear God if you're listenin please

This is me prayin for him

I'm beggin if you can hear

This is my only prayer