late night "i miss yous"

Some nights, I have a collection of "I miss yous" ... see, I miss my Dad because he was a gift to me from Heaven, he was on loan and I wish I could have more time. and I miss my brother, because some days I wish I could go out back and watch him fix the dirt bikes while we talked... I miss my grandpa, I miss being someone's favorite and having a family, no matter how dysfunctional. I miss a few people that have gone into the "forgotten-people pile" because there's just no place for us in each others' lives anymore. I miss my best friend, Marcus, because he was that first true friend who could make me laugh. I miss Tommie, because he was a lifelong friend and knowing he's in Heaven helps. I miss Kristen, she was such a fighter and I admired her for that, but in the end the cancer won. I miss Andrew, because he could always make you laugh and before we could reconnect he was gone. I miss Shane, because he was my first kiss and my first boyfriend and my best friend for such a long time, that when the cancer took him and I talked to his Dad, I felt my heart break, he was such a good person and I knew he would be someone wonderful. I miss Corey, because he had a way of making God real, even to the wild child with a rebellious streak. He died a few years ago in a car wreck that his brother walked away from. I still cry about that. I miss my friends in Europe because we had so much fun and as complicated as life was, it was great to have such amazing people around me who always had my back: Phillyup, Brandon, Brent, Waffles (Sacha), Lizard (Lizzie), Mexican (Ricker), Hobo (Mike)... We had different groups but whenever I was with any of them I felt happy and we laughed and usually had so much fun. I miss my friends in Jersey, before I left and time made us grow apart. I miss my friends spread out in the world, too far away to visit, but somehow still catch glimpses of each others lives, like waves. I miss old teachers like Mr. Lopez, Mr. Pinto, Marm... Mr. Lopez was awesome in Europe. He did his best to help me and I'd like to think he taught me valuable lessons. Pinto taught me about music, but he also shared funny stories like about watching Xmen in the dark and freaking himself out. But Marm, he's family. He shaped my life in a profound way and there should be people like that in the world.

You see, thinking about them, all of them... it doesn't ache nearly as much as missing you. I miss you alot right now. I miss your voice, I miss your face, I miss your heartbeat, I miss your kiss. I wish you were here tonight to hold me... I wish we were somewhere together. You are awesome and I miss you. I can't wait til this summer when I get to see you again. <3 ily