I miss you more than ever today, which is a little amusing considering I missed you more than ever yesterday. Bad things happened last night, things I'm feeling guilty for and wishing I could do more. You know what, since I talked to you this morning, but I still wish I could hear your voice instead of facebook chat. I can't hear your comfort over the internet. :'( i miss you so much and last night was so hard to go through. I barely slept at all, but even when I did, I slept with the phone in my arms. I changed my default ringtone to "Lifeline" by Papa roach. "I've been looking for a lifeline for what seems like a lifetime, I'm drowning in the pain, breaking down again, looking for a lifeline" I was in so much pain last night, wondering if I'll ever be forgiven, wondering if she'll ever trust me again, but knowing I did the only thing I could, I heard her pleas and knew what she was doing so I did what anyone who has been there should do. I wish you were here. I wish you could hug me and tell me that everything's going to be alright. I wish that i could hear your voice or see your face or something. I just friggin miss you.
Today, as I said, my goal is to do nothing. Absolutely nothing. I plan on laying around, watching my kids make a mess and teaching them to say "Hooah" and "Oorah" and "I love you, Mom". They already managed "Hooah" and "Oorah" and Semper Fi. It's actually really cute to hear Jax yell it. I think "yep, he's going to follow in my family's footsteps. He's going to be like my Dad or Grandfather or brothers. He's going to be amazing." You'd have a laugh because he gets so excited whenever I put on the videos with Soldiers or Marines in it. I asked Lily what she wanted to do when she grows up and she said "Navy" I think it's from going to the Navy base the other day. She loved the uniforms and kept smiling at them. She's usually so shy in public!
Other than that, I'll probably stalk the mailman. He smiles at me every day and tells me he's sorry when he has nothing. He knows I'm waiting for you. One of my friend joked I am dating the mailman more than you, and I laughed. He's just holding my letters hostage I think, just so he can see me more often ;) just kidding.
Anyways, babe. I can't wait to talk to you later. xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox...
btw. I miss you. more than I ever thought possible. Hope you miss me too.
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